


11:53

by bokeae



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst I guess, Character Development, Hinata dies and Kageyama has to relive it everyday, Hinata dies in every chapter, Kageyama starts off as meh and then ends up as geh, Kinda, M/M, Slow Burn, Time Loop AU, Unrequited Love, can't write fluff soz, did i just spoil the whole thing??, he can't change anything basically, imagery and shiz, kageyama's an asshole, kinda like attack on titan, like i don't know how to explain it, oh well, pining build up tho, poor boi tobio goes insane, really intense pining for Kageyama, short chapters bc i can't do long lmao, shouyous not himself anymore, the angst kinda gets funnier I think idk no one takes this serious anymore, the major death isn't really that big, weird prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-29
Updated: 2017-09-25
Packaged: 2018-11-19 17:21:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 40
Words: 20,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11318091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bokeae/pseuds/bokeae
Summary: In which Kageyama learns how to love and Hinata dies every night.(((alternatively, Kageyama's a little useless and is dealing with a traumatising time loop))))





	1. gone

**Author's Note:**

> whoops my hand slipped
> 
> also my tumblr is [@bokeae](http://bokeae.tumblr.com/) if anyone wants to talk or send prompts

The milk box in the vending machine was the very last of its kind.

It stood there, pink.

A cartoon cow yelled in aggressive kanji.

With a scowl, Kageyama pressed the buttons.

Hinata took it anyways, a minute after Kageyama shoved the tinted straw through.

He yelled at the kid.

Hinata told him not to call him a kid, “I’m older than you, you know?”

But he was snorting pastel pink milk out of his nose so a kid he remained.

Kageyama shoved him out the way, leaving the drink because the moron ruined it.

He ruined milk for him too.

Hinata wouldn't leave his side- “it's fun annoying you!” he had reasoned.

Kageyama frowned.

Hinata was-

Nothing, really, to Kageyama at least.

A shitty spiker if he had to label him. Kinda stupid- but that was obvious.

A nuisance, he told his mother when she asked.

“You talk about him a lot.”

“Kaasan…” Kageyama whined and his mother chuckled to herself.

“He's annoying and weird.”

“Yeah but-”

“He's not the type of person I want to be friends with.”

But still, Hinata clung on.

Sometimes Kageyama would drag on time in the changing room because Hinata liked to walk home with him.

It was a warm Tuesday afternoon and Hinata was still waiting.

“Moron, who told you to wait?” Kageyama snapped.

Hinata looked around, “Me?”

Kageyama scoffed, rolling his eyes almost dramatically- just so Hinata could see how annoyed he was.

“That's not how you should treat a friend,” Hinata elbowed him as they walked, “not that you would know.”

Kageyama cuffed him up the head.

“We’re not friends.”

“Hmm?” Hinata turned his head, “oh wait here for a second, I need to grab my bike.”

Kageyama walked on without him.

Hinata rushed in, huffing on his bike.

“Didn't I tell you to wait?!”

“Didn't hear you,” Kageyama muttered, kicking stray rocks.

 Hinata grumbled to himself and hopped off his bike, dragging it along with him.

“Hey, wanna come over?” Hinata asked.

“You live over the mountains, no.”

Hinata pouted.

“You could catch a bus!”

“Not bothered.”

“You're a shitty friend, you know?” Hinata prompted and Kageyama pushed him to the side.

“I'm not your friend!” Kageyama yelled, glaring at Hinata to make sure he heard it.

“Uh, ok,” Hinata laughed, “What about I go to your place? On Saturday? OH! We can watch old volleyball tournaments, kaasan got me some copies a few days back.”

“No.”

They arrived at the street where it split into two.

Kageyama went left but Hinata grabbed onto his shirt.

The roads were busy today.

Cars of black and blue sped past.

“Why not?”

“I don't want to.”

“Why?”

“Listen, Hinata, go with Yamaguchi or someone, I dunno, not me.”

“Why not you?”

“Cause I'm not your friend dumbass!” Kageyama snapped, “go home or something.”

“Why aren't you my friend?”

“I don't want to be?”

“Why-”

“You're annoying, go home, I’m tired, bye.”

Kageyama turned around, he could hear the crackle of Hinata taking a step back on dried leaves and twigs.

“Fine! I hate you too!”

Kageyama yawned, walking slower- he really didn't care.

He could hear the shuffle of Hinata’s feet.

Could hear his stubborn “hmph!”

But he could hear the speed too, could hear yellow, yellow against obsidian and-

Screaming.

Mute screaming.

He turned around, the roads a mess of dark cars blaring neon headlights.

Hinata wasn’t there, surrounded by dried leaves.

He was sprawled over the silver car, the transparent windshield cracked and splattered with crimson.

Kageyama was screaming too, maybe, he couldn’t hear because suddenly his heartbeat was louder than rush hour and beeping horns.

He ran to Hinata’s side, he wanted to cradle his head.

But that was covered in scarlet and so were his hands.

“Hinata! Oi! Oi wake up!” And maybe screaming would help, maybe Hinata would blink his eyes open.

He was out cold.

“Hinata…” Kageyama whispered, dragging a thumb across his split cheek.

The ambulance let him on when they dragged Hinata up.

“What’s his name? What’s your relationship with him? Just what exactly happened? Do you know?”

Kageyama tried to answer the questions as best as he could.

“We were arguing he- he told me he hated me because I…” Kageyama’s eyes widened, recalling the last conversation they had.

His eyes widened and they kept widening until they were filled with unconscious tears.

“Oh my God.”He tugged at his bangs, fingers flitting through loose strands.

He pulled. 

“Oh my _God._ ”

He sniffled, head bowed down, “fuck, I treated him like actual _shit_  and now he’s _gone_.”

“We don’t know that-”

“He’s _dead!_ ”

“Not yet!” One of the nurses yelled out, “don’t give up!”

And maybe she shouldn’t have raised his hopes like that because it was 11 at night and they wouldn’t let him in Hinata’s room.

Natsu and his mum looked through the foggy window on the door.

“Tobio-kun, um, why don’t you go home, it’s- it’s late and you have school tomor-”

“No!” He cleared his throat, “no, I- I need to stay.”

Kageyama stared forward, at the white wall.

He could hear it, he could still hear it.

Flashes of neon, a strangled scream, a death.

He clawed at his face.

He should’ve been watching him- that idiot, always prone to accidents, he should’ve- he could’ve stopped him.

“Tobio-kun, listen, you need some rest,” Hinata’s mother interrupted.

“No, I’m fine.”

“You’re shaken and tired. You need some rest. Go home, please, my husband will drive you, ok? Go home.”

Hinata Shouyou died seven minutes before witching hour.

 

(Continuous flashes of neon, a strangled scream and Hinata was still dead).


	2. delusion

The milk box in the vending machine was the very last of its kind.

It stood there, pink.

A cartoon cow yelled in aggressive kanji.

Kageyama stared at it in utter confusion.

“What’s wrong? You look constipated.”

There was a heavy arm on his shoulder and he could see red tufts of ludicrous hair reflecting off the stained glass of the vending machine.

He spun around, eyes wide.

“Hi- Hinata!” He crowed, jaw hanging open.

Hinata took a step back, cocking his head to the side.

“You good, Kageyama?”

“You- you!”

“...yeah?”

“Are you a ghost?!”

“No idiot, what’s wrong with you?!”

Kageyama clapped his hands around Hinata’s round face, shaking him.

“What the hell are you doing?!”

“You’re not dead! You’re not- why are you here, moron? You should be back in the hospital-”

“You should be in the hospital, what- who- why would I be dead?”

Kageyama let go of his face.

“Though, you look pretty horrifying,” Hinata commented, “were you up all night watching old tournaments or something?”

“No? Oh-” Kageyama whirled around, looking at the bags around his eyes.

“Your eyes are really red, are you ok?”

Kageyama stared at his reflection.

Hinata punched the vending machine, the last milk box tumbled out.

“I...think I had a nightmare, um,” Kageyama reasoned because Hinata wasn’t dead, he was here.

He pinched himself.

“Oi, stop that, here take the milk, geez, you’re so weird,” Hinata muttered.

“I- you’re the weird one, weirdo,” Kageyama retaliated.

HInata snorted.

Hinata wouldn’t leave his side all day but that was to be expected.

It was weird, actually.

Because everything was the same- exactly the goddamn same.

It freaked Kageyama out a little in Algebra.

“What is it?” Sensei sighed at Kageyama’s raised hand.

“We did this before.”

“What.”

“Yesterday, we did- we did this.”

"You didn't have Algebra yesterday."

The class snickered.

Kageyama sunk down in his seat.

Then again, he was half asleep yesterday in most of his classes.

Hatori-san made small balls out of chewed up paper. Kageyama watched her shove three in her transparent straw and aim at Hayama-kun.

She missed twice but the third piece of paper got stuck in his hair.

Yoshino-chan’s glasses slipped down her nose three times as she slept with her head bent to her chest.

Yukino stole her glasses like it was nothing.

Kageyama yawned.

It was a warm Tuesday afternoon and Hinata was still waiting.

“Moron, who told you to- er,” Kageyama stopped talking, realising he had said the same thing last time.

Hinata tilted his head.

Kageyama walked along, caution and suspicion rolling in his stomach.

“Oi! Wait, don’t just keep walking, stupid Kageyama,” Hinata sighed, “that’s not how you should treat a friend. Not that you would know.”

“We’re...not- hey.”

Kageyama stopped in his tracks.

“Wait there, ok? I have to grab my bike.”

Kageyama did wait, for a few seconds.

The shock rolled over and he continued walking.

“Didn’t I tell you to wait?!” Hinata yelled from afar, bounding over to him with his bike.

“I...didn’t hear you.”

Hinata sent him a wary look before grumbling to himself.

“Hey wanna come over?”

Kageyama paused.

“We’re not having this conversation again.”

“The hell are you talking about? Is that a yes or a no?”

“No and shut up, we went through this yesterday.”

“Yester...Kageyama, you went home before me yesterday.”

“No moron, you asked if you could come over and then I was like “no dumbass” and then you got annoying and then I got annoyed and then you…” Kageyama saw flashes of neon.

“Er, that didn’t happen, right?”

“Nuh-uh. Weird.”

They continued walking.

“You had a nightmare huh?”

“Hmm,” Kageyama hummed.

“Bet you saw your face in the mirror and it freaked you out.”

Kageyama cuffed him upside the head and Hinata laughed.

“Hey, what about I go to your house, since you don’t want to come over to my place. We can watch old volleyball tournaments, kaasan got me some copies a few days back.”

“Hinata I don’t want to go anywhere with you,” Kageyama sighed, relaxed because Hinata was here, things were weird but no one died.

No flashes of neon yet.

“What, why?”

Kageyama shrugged, he could continue being blunt- it was all a strangely real dream anyways.

“I have better things to do.”

“Like what? What’s better than hanging out with your friend-”

“Friend? Since when are we friends?”

They arrived the the part of their path that divided into a fork.

Kageyama went left. Hinata grabbed his shirt.

“What do you mean we aren’t friends?”

“What part of it don’t you understand, dumbass?”

“The whole thing! We’re not friends?”

“No…”

Kageyama wondered why this was all a repeat of his nightmare.

Cars passed them and Hinata let out a choked “hmph!”

“Fine then, I hate you too.”

“I don’t hate you, Hinata-”

“Well I hate you!”

This time.

This time Kageyama saw everything.

He saw the silver car heaving forward just as Hinata moved to cross the busy road.

He could see the flashes of neon.

There was more orange than yellow.

More red than any other colour.

He could see the screaming, the confused panic, “Hinata!”

He could see him.

Stretching out in tangled limbs.

He could see the head injury, the broken skin.

The wide eyes.

He dropped to his knees because what the fuck, what the fuck, is this a dream?

He pinched himself with shaky fingers, slapped himself with cold palms.

He tried shaking Hinata,”wake up, moron! This isn’t the time to be playing around!”

The doctors pulled him away.

“What’s his name? What’s your relationship with him? Just what exactly happened? Do you know?”

“I can’t be reliving this.”

“Sorry?”

“I can’t- this passed, this was just a dream, what the fuck.”

“Kid, you-”

“This already happened!”

Delusional.

Hinata’s mother told him to go home again.

“My husband will drive you, go home.”

“He’s dead.”

She inhaled sharply.

“He’s dead and I-”

“HE’S NOT DEAD YET!”

Kageyama snapped up to meet her wild eyes.

“Not...yet.”

“This...already happened.”

“Why do you keep saying that?” Natsu asked,”it’s happening now.”

“It happened.”

Hinata Shouyou died fifty three minutes past eleven.


	3. reality

The milk box in the vending machine was the very last of its kind.

Kageyama watched Hinata die for the third time.

(He threw up this time because he was close- too close and he could see _everything)._

(Hinata's eyes were rolling non stop in his head, Kageyama could see his raw flesh).

He could taste blood and obsidian.


	4. glee

The milk box in the vending machine was the very last of its kind.

It stood there, pink.

A cartoon cow yelled in aggressive kanji. 

Kageyama stared at it, warily.

It wasn’t a dream.

He took the drink.

Hinata took it anyways, a minute after Kageyama shoved the tinted straw through.

Hinata stuck his tongue out in glee and Kageyama sighed.

“What’s wrong? You look constipated.”

“I- dumbass…”

He sounded cautious.

“You’re being weirdddd.”

“Shut up.”

Hinata fiddled with the straw, “...you’re not gonna fight for it? The drink?”

“I’m good.”

With a calculated stare, Hinata slapped his hand against Kageyama’s shoulder.

“Are you sick or something?”

“I’m not fucking sick-”

“Get well soon, ‘k?”

“I’m not sick!”

Hinata snorted and Kageyama cuffed him upside the head.

Hinata giggled as he bounced away.

Kageyama wouldn’t leave his side all day.

Hinata sent him wary glances.

“Hey,” Hinata tapped his shoulder, “are you sure you’re ok?”

“I’m fine.”

“That nightmare must’ve been really intense, huh? What was it about?” Hinata asked.

“Nothing just, yeah, nothing.”

“Bet you saw your face in the mirror and it freaked you out.”

Kageyama smacked him upside the head before resting his warm hands on his head, ruffling his orange hair almost apologetically.

“You didn’t deny it!” Hinata laughed.

It was a warm Tuesday afternoon and Kageyama was waiting.

Tsukishima glared at him on his way out.

Yamaguchi opened his mouth to say something and Kageyama growled out a “what?”

Yamaguchi jumped, “nothing!” he ran to catch up to Tsukishima.

Hinata skipped out, jumping out of his skin at the sight of Kageyama.

“You- what? Did you leave something behind? or?” Hinata asked, voice shaky.

“Let’s go.”

Hinata’s eyes nearly popped out.

“Were you waiting for me? Huh? That’s so weird!”

“It’s not that weird.”

“Yes it is! Is this you showing affection, wah, is it someone’s birthday? Is it my birthday?”

“Shut up, dumbass.”

“Weird!”

“Are you really complaining?”

“Nope, it’s nice to know that you have feelings.”

“Oi-”

Hinata laughed.

“Hold on, let me grab my bike.”

Kageyama waited.

Maybe it was God punishing him for being a constant asshole, or something.

“...Maybe I have to be nicer.”

“You’re even talking to yourself,” Hinata interrupted, tugging his bike along.

“I...I’m not.”

“Why bother lying about that?” Hinata laughed.

Kageyama stole small glances, Hinata caught his eyes as they walked and looked away blushing.

“Um, oh, I was meaning to ask you-”

“What?”

“Don’t interrupt!” Hinata snapped.

“You paused!”

“Oh my God,” Hinata laughed again.

Kageyama wondered why he was so fucking happy.

“Do you want to come over?”

Kageyama stopped walking because they’ve already reached the point in their road where the street split into two.

This was the part where Kageyama went wrong.

“...Yeah. Sure,” Kageyama said carefully, watching Hinata carefully.

Hinata lit up.

“Yeah? Great! My mum got me these copies of volleyball tournaments! And I just got a new ball- well kinda- I don’t use that ball cause it’s really nice and clean, kinda don’t want to dirty it- but we can practice with that one if you want. Oh! I have games-!”

“Yeah, how about instead of telling me we do it. When i come over,” Kageyama said.

“Ok! Um, Sunday? Is Sunday ok for you?”

“Yeah.”

“Great!” Hinata started moving backwards, almost vibrating with glee.

“I’m gonna...go home now,” Kageyama said slowly because Hinata wasn’t dead yet. 

Hinata grinned and Kageyama turned around, taking a shaky step because yes, what the fuck, he did it.

“Hey Kageyama! One more thing!” Hinata yelled and Kageyama turned around.

“I-”

“Oi watch out!”

And flashes of fucking neon blew through Kageyama’s mind and he didn’t even _want_  to move.

“What the fuck!” He yelled at Hinata’s almost dying form. Hinata’s eyes fluttered open before closing, “I- I was nice, what the fuck-”

The doctors asked him the same questions.

Kageyama answered bitterly.

His mother paced in front of the door.

“Tobio-kun, um, why don’t you go home, it’s- it’s late and you have school tomorrow.”

“Yeah, I- it’s my fault he’s- he’s-”

“Why? Did you push him? What did you do?”

“I didn’t push him!”

“What did you do!”

She was always on the borderline of hysterics.

Kageyama got up from his seat.

“I swear I didn’t do anything!”

She leaned against the pale yellow door.

Natsu stared at the two, terrified.

“It’s not your fault, he- he wasn’t looking.”

Kageyama sunk back to his seat, face burrowed in shaky hands.

If being nice didn’t work- maybe he had to be nicer- to make up for the year, his entire life.

“Hinata-san?”

Kageyama looked up.

Hinata’s mother held onto Natsu, knuckles pale.

“I- what time is it?” Kageyama asked, voice weak.

“11:53.”


	5. off-white

The milk box in the vending machine was the very last of its kind.

It stood there, pink.

A cartoon cow yelled in aggressive kanji. 

Kageyama punched the vending machine.

He slammed his fists onto the stained glass, grunting out incoherent swears.

“Kageyama? Oi, Kageyama?” Hinata tapped his shoulder, “Is the milk stuck or something?”

Kageyama slumped his shoulders and pushed the buttons.

He presented Hinata with the pastel pink milk.

“You’re giving it to me? Aw yeah, free drink- wait, do I have to pay you back?”

“No.”

“Why are you being nice? I didn’t know you could be generous,” Hinata snickered.

“Oi,” there was no edge to Kageyama’s voice.

“Oh my God, what did they do to you? Kageyama? If that’s actually you- who are you and what did you do to the real Kageyamaaa!”

“Get out of my face. Drink your milk.”

Hinata threw the drink.

“Stop wasting food!”

“What if that was poisoned?”

“I didn’t poison it.”

“Aha! So you admit that you poisoned it!”

“I haven’t even opened it!”

“That’s what they all say.”

“Drink the damn milk.”

Hinata snorted but drank it anyways.

“You’re looking at me scary, what, you want something from me? Crap, now that I drank your milk that means I’m in debt.”

“No it doesn’t. Stop being paranoid around me.”

“You make it hard to be not paranoid around you.” Hinata answered.

“Why?”

“Because you’re mean and you have shifty eyes.”

“Fuck you, I’m not that freaking mean-”

“Yes you are!”

“I’m not-”

Hinata glared at him.

“I don’t have shifty eyes.”

“You do.”

Kageyama didn’t bother pushing him or cuffing his head.

Kageyama offered to carry his bags.

Hinata kept an eye on him.

He stayed quiet too- as if Kageyama’s sudden kindness had left him speechless.

“What’s wrong?” Kageyama asked.

“I should be the one asking you that- what’s up with you?”

“Nothing. Want meat buns? Ukai added curry buns to his shop and-”

“Kageyama, did someone die?” Hinata suddenly interrupted.

Kageyama stopped talking.

“Are you done changing? I-”

“I’m sorry-” Hinata cut in, “for- for your loss, um-”

"No one died," Kageyama sighed, "yet."

"That was creepy, are you planning my murder?"

“No,” Kageyama answered with an expression so serious that Hinata had to take a few steps back.

“I was kidding, that was a joke, sorry, forgot you had no sense of humour.”

Kageyama turned away.

Hinata tugged on his jacket.

“L...let’s go then, I guess. Since you were...waiting, apparently,” Hinata muttered.

Kageyama tried to stall a little, making them both eat the curry buns as slowly as they could.

“We have time.”

" _You_ have time, I have to get home before dark," Hinata sighed but he ate slow anyways.

He talked about his day, yesterday, the time he went to America when he was 12.

Kageyama zoned out.

“Hey, wanna come over to my place?” Hinata asked midst his rant.

Kageyama sipped his iced tea, watching the wind.

“Oi, Kageyama-” Hinata pulled his sleeve.

Kageyama hummed.

“Do you want to come over?”

Kageyama stared at Hinata.

“Yeah. Saturday at 5.”

“I-I- ok!” Hinata stammered, not expecting Kageyama to agree so fast, “ok!”

Hinata talked as they walked to the fork on their path.

Kageyama never really listened.

This time-

This time Kageyama wasn’t sure what happened.

But he was back to square one.

Hinata was on the hood of the car, sprawled in scarlet.

Kageyama fell to the ground, shaking.

The doctors asked him the same damn questions.

He stayed quiet.

Hinata’s mother told him to go home.

He stayed mute.

“I- I know you’re shaken, being right there-”

Kageyama tugged at his bangs.

He teared through his hair because _fuck,_ he hated neon so goddamn much.

“I feel sick.”

He stared at his reflection in the toilets, hands fisting around the sink every few seconds.

The off-white walls were nauseating.

So was neon and yellow.

He made it back to the waiting room at 11:56.

Hinata’s mother and sister were crumpled on the off-white floor.

Crying off-white tears.

 

(Kageyama stared at the stained window fitted on the door- Hinata’s door. He could still see the flat line of his heart monitor when he closed his eyes).


	6. kindness

The milk box in the vending machine was the very last of its kind.

It stood there, pink.

A cartoon cow yelled in aggressive kan-

It took Kageyama way too long to realise kindness and waiting for Hinata after practise had nothing to do with Hinata's doom.

Hinata died.

Again and again.

It caught Kageyama off-guard every _fucking_ time.

Because every time he thought he had gotten used to the dark hues of blood- Hinata kept dying.

Nothing made sense.

Sense made nothing.

Kageyama wanted to rip his hair out because Hinata's _there,_ and he's grinning but suddenly his head is bent at a wrong angle and his eyes aren't golden anymore.

The milk box in the vending machine was still the very last of its kind.

And Kageyama's efforts meant nothing.


	7. kill

The milk box in the vending machine was the very last of its kind.

It stood there, pink.

A cartoon cow yelled in aggressive kanji.

Kageyama played along.

Hinata stole his milk, squirting it at Kageyama's direction.

Kageyama gulped.

"Want some?" Hinata teased, "nah, can't have any!"

He snorted the milk out of his nose by accident.

Kageyama didn't dare laugh.

Hinata didn't comment on Kageyama's silence.

Kageyama stared out the window in class, the end of his pencil clamped between his teeth.

He wondered if he could interfere with death.

"...-yama."

He wondered if he could cheat death-'

"Kageyama!"

Kageyama felt a small chunk of chalk hit his head. 

He turned around.

"Are you paying attention?" Mayu-sensei asked.

"I- yeah."

"How do you solve this equation?" she tested.

"x equals to 48."

She stared at the board, eyes widening.

"I- you're right but how did you do it? I asked for how not what."

"You-"

The class was staring at Kageyama.

"You do the thing."

"What thing?"

"Simultaneously, like-"

"Kageyama-kun, how do you know the answer but not the method?"

"I- I did it in my head," Kageyama rushed out a reply.

The class snickered.

Mayu-sensei hid a snort behind her hand.

"Don't lie, did you cheat?"

She came froward, turning his book.

It was blank.

There weren't even doodles of volleyballs.

"See me after class."

Kageyama sighed, putting his head down.

He watched the minutes rolls by.

Hatori-san made small balls out of chewed up paper. Kageyama watched her shove three in her transparent straw and aim at Hayama-kun.

She missed twice but the third piece of paper got stuck in his hair.

Yoshino-chan’s glasses slipped down her nose three times as she slept with her head bent to her chest. 

Yukino stole her glasses like it was nothing.

Kageyama fought an urge to yawn.

Mayu-sensei asked him again:

"Did you cheat?"

"No."

"I find it strange, you knew the answer but not the method?"

"I- I did it beforehand-"

"Your book was blank."

"I mean mind, I did it in my-"

"Kageyama, what's going on?"

Kageyama sighed. He looked at the doorway, eyes widening.

Hinata was there, waiting.

He tilted his head.

Mayu-sensei followed his gaze.

"Hinata-kun? Did you want something?"

"Don't wait for me, just go," Kageyama sighed.

"Um, ok, don't be late!"

Mayu-sensei tapped her fingers against the desk.

"You can cheat all you want but at the end, are you really learning?"

Kageyama stayed quiet.

Hinata waited for him after club, like always.

They walked, Kageyama's mind was clouded with thoughts of death and flashes.

Hinata filled the silence Kageyama couldn't.

"Hey, wanna come over?"

Kageyama hummed in response.'

"What does that mean? Is that a yes or no? Oi, Kageyama-!"

Kageyama stayed quiet.

"If you come over, we can do lots of things, y'know? Like volleyball! But we do that already so we can play video games! I have a bunch of multiplayer games. I can't play with Natsu because she's too young-"

"I'll think about it."

"Yeah? Sweet."

They arrived at the fork once again.

This time.

Kageyama intervened.

The flashes of neon and obsidian blurred as he threw his arms around Hinata.

Using himself as a shield.

Horns filled the air- a broken sob of "Kageyama!"

He returned the call too, maybe, in his head.

_ "Hinata." _

He ended up in the hospital with Hinata.

It worked.

Unsuccessfully.

"I- I protected him-"

"Yes and that was very brave of you-"

"How could he still be dead?!"

It was 11:56 and Kageyama was crying empty tears.

"You- you hugged him," the doctor started, "you pushed him to the ground when you did that and he hit his head. The car added to that injury."

"It's almost as if you used him as a pillow," a nurse commented.

Kageyama's eyes grew wide.

"I-" Kageyama inhaled sharply. He clutched his chest, cloth bunching up in his shaking fist, "I _killed_ him?"

"No! No, you didn't-"

"I _killed_ Hinata."

"That is not what I'm trying to say here-"

"Doesn't- doesn't matter-" Kageyama's vision blurred.

"I'm- I _killed_ him."

11:53 passed when Kageyama wasn't looking.


	8. yell

The milk box in the vending machine was the very last of its kind.

It stood there, pink.

A cartoon cow yelled-

Kageyama yelled too.

Because Hinata was bundled again in his arms, covered in the crimson Kageyama was trying to avoid.

Kageyama did what he could- he pushed him away from the car, shielded him with a rushed embrace- stalled the idiot.

Hinata.

Still.

Died.

"It's 12- 11:54, actually, get some rest, Kageyama-kun," 

"He's dead, huh?" Kageyama asked.

The doctor bowed his head.

He clamped a hand on Kageyama's tense shoulder.

"There was nothing we could do."


	9. listen

The milk box in the vending machine was the very last of its kind.

It stood there, pink.

A cartoon cow-

"Oi, Kageyama, you look really tired," Hinata commented.

"Yeah."

When Mayu-sensei called on Kageyama, he told her the method.

Twice, because he wasn't sure he even said anything the first time.

Mayu stared at him, surprised.

"Have you been studying? There- there aren't any tests soon..."

Kageyama shrugged, he fell back slumped on his desk.

He didn't sleep.

He couldn't remember the last time he slept, actually.

Because his dreams exploded into nightmares in blond flashes.

"Hinata," Kageyama said to the waiting teammate.

"Yeah?"

"Is there another way to get to your house?"

"Hm? What?"

"Like, another route."

"I- yeah, it's super long though! It takes me an hour."

"You should- you should go that way today."

"Huh, why?"

"Because!" Kageyama barked. 

Maybe he had a solution to his problem.

"I'm tired from practise."

"Hinata," Kageyama said, "trust me."

Though, Kageyama wasn't sure what he was expecting.

Because he was rolling in his bed.

It felt like 11:53 and the wind was hitting the window pane.

A twisted whistle filled the air.

Kageyama heard it first.

The sound of harsh wind manipulating the leaves off trees.

The sound of darkness.

The sound of a scream Kageyama wasn't there for.

The sound of crimson and the hands of the clock reversing back.


	10. talk

The milk box in the vending machine was the very last of its kind.

It stood there, pink.

A cartoon-

Kageyama was there the next time.

"I'm tiiiiiiiired, I don't want to go the long freaking way-"

"I'll go with you."

"Huh."

"Come."

Hinata led him around.

It took way longer- mainly because Hinata wasn't sure where he was going.

He talked to fill in the silences.

Kageyama listened.

"And then! And then Natsu was like, crying and stuff, full on bawling and what could I do? I was holding a fishbowl- which didn't have a fish in it, by the way, remember I accidentally flushed him down the toilet and..."

He trailed off, falling quiet.

Kageyama whipped his head down to look at him.

He was gripping the handles of his bike, staring down.

"And?"

"What."

"You just stopped talking, what the fuck happened next?"

"You..." Hinata stopped walking, "you were listening?"

"Yeah."

Hinata gaped up at him before shoving at his chest.

"What the fuck?!"

"You never listen! What happened to the real Kageyama? Is this your clone? Were you kidnapped?!"

"No, dumbass! I- nothing else to do..." Kageyama grumbled, "might as well listen to your _fake_ story."

" _Fake?!_ " Hinata howled, "Nothing about it is fake!"

They kept walking, Kageyama looked down to see Hinata smiling to himself.

"Actually, you can ask Natsu about how real it is."

"What."

"You wanna come over?" Hinata asked.

He was gone before Kageyama could answer.

It was too dark to see what was going on.

"Kageyama!"

But his voice was leaving.

It was quiet.

Kageyama shakily took out his phone and turned the torch on.

The dirt fell away a metre away, where Hinata was.

Kageyama nearly slipped on the dirt too, he steadied himself and stared at the rocky edges.

He looked further down, some of the sharp boulders were covered in a thin layer of blood.

Hinata was at the bottom.

Kageyama screamed out his name before trekking down carefully.

"Hinata! Hin- Hinata!"

Kageyama tried to call 119, but he had no service in the forest.

He looked at Hinata again, tried to pull him close.

"I- it hurts, a-h-"

Kageyama choked back a sob and tried to haul him up in the least painful way possible.

He tried to carry him back, away from the forest that was shielding him from service.

"I'm sorry," Kageyama said, "I'm sorry I made you- I made you come this way again. I just- maybe you wouldn't die if I was there but-"

He wasn't sure if Hinata was listening.

"I'm sorry-"

"-for killing you again."

Hinata opened his eyes.

It was 11:53 and Hinata didn't close his eyes.

 


	11. electric

The milk box in the vending machine was the very last of its kind.

It stood there-

"Hey Hinata."

"Hmm?"

"Wanna come over?"

Hinata stood quiet before exploding.

"HUH?!"

Kageyama leaned against the wall.

"That a no?"

"No, no, no-" Hinata shook his head, "I mean yes-"

"Oh my fucking-"

"I mean! Yes! I would love to come over!" Hinata cleared his throat, "I mean, yeah, cool."

Kageyama noticed, that it was usually around 6 when a car would hit Hinata.

They arrived at the fork.

They continued on left.

Hinata talked to fill in the silence.

"...Natsu was like, crying and stuff, full on bawling and what could I do? I was holding a fishbowl- which didn't have a fish in it, by the way, remember I accidentally flushed him down the toilet and then- erm-"

"Keep talking."

"Huh- I-" Hinata floundered around for a second, "you-omigod you're a clone."

"I'm not," Kageyama sighed, "what did you do after?"

"I- I-" Hinata stammered, "forgot- um, wait, shit."

Kageyama rolled his eyes.

Kageyama held his breath as 6 rolled by, Hinata was safe, maybe.

Perhaps.

"Anyone home?" Hinata asked, propping his shoes on the side.

"N-no-"

Hinata hopped from room to room, exploring.

Kageyama found him peering under Kageyama's bed.

"What are you doing?"

"I dunno, don't guys normally put their porno magazines here or something?"

"Do you do that?" Kageyama asked, nearly spilling his drinks.

"Nope, Natsu likes to hide under my bed sometimes so like, if she finds stuff like-" Hinata never finished his sentence, "you only have volleyball magazines here."

"Yeah."

"You get off to volleyballs or something?"

"No," Kageyama said, half distracted. He looked at his room- there was no possible way for Hinata to die here.

"Is this a sleepover then? Have you had a sleepover before-"

"I'm gonna go check if there's poison anywhere near."

"What."

Hinata marked it off as another weird Kageyama thing.

"Can I use the bath then? While you look for your...poison."

"Yeah, I guess," Kageyama said.

"Hope you're not planning on killing me or something."

"Huh?! No way, I won't do that. Again."

"Again?" Hinata asked, already stripping off his shirt.

"I- nothing-" Kageyama walked back into the room with a towel, "dumbass, strip when you're already in the bathroom."

Kageyama fished out the smallest hoodie he could find.

Hinata stuck out his tongue, "stupid, you act like you've never seen me shirtless."

Kageyama rolled his eyes, a little wearily. 

"You're like, a weird prude virgin-"

"You're one to talk!" Kageyama yelled back.

"Well!" Hinata shouted, "you're taking too long."

"Sorry, I don't buy my clothes in the kid section."

Hinata twisted his shirt into a rope and whacked Kageyama, annoyed.

Kageyama locked the windows as Hinata fumbled around in the bathroom.

"Hey, you have a hair dryer?" Hinata called out.

"Yeah but it's in my room."

"Ok."

Kageyama stared the large clock perched on his faded wall.

He stared at the time on his phone.

He stared at his alarm clock, beeping faintly at every passing seconds.

The ticks of time running out put Kageyama on edge.

He clutched at the sheets of his bed.

"Oi, don't stay in there for too long." Kageyama said. He tumbled back into his pillows, half relaxed.

He sat back up, "OI DUMBASS, DID YOU FALL ASLEEP?"

He rushed to the door, banging.

"You paranoid moron, I'm just relaxing. Besides, my fingertips haven't pruned up yet," came Hinata's reply. 

Kageyama rested his forehead on the door.

"You might...catch a cold."

"I'm fine, it's weird when you worry. So, don't."

Kageyama rolled his eyes once more.

"Ah! Also don't worry about the hair dryer! It's actually here-"

Then came the blare of the hair dryer billowing out artificial wind.

Hinata's cries mixed in with the electric splash and the sound of voltage flowing with the small waves Hinata made in the bath as he trembled.

Kageyama thinks his own cries mixed in with the chaos too.

He rammed himself into the door, once, twice.

The floor was slippery.

Bubbles deflated against the tub.

Hinata laid there, eyes glazed but open.

Hair dryer crackling in the emotionless water.

"Hina-" Kageyama tried to pull him out.

There was no point, really because his alarm clock rang out when it was 11:53.

Kageyama shakily brushed away the wet hair plastered against Hinata's forehead.


	12. second

 

The milk box in the vending machine was the very last of its kind.

It stood there, pink.

A cartoon cow yelled in aggressive kanji. 

Again, he would try.

"Hey Hinata."

"Hmm?"

"Wanna come over?"

Hinata stood quiet before exploding.

"HUH?!"

Kageyama left the vending machine.

"Do you want to come over?"

"What, _now?!_ "

Kageyama sighed before snorting.

"We're in school dumbass, of course not now. After school."

Hinata, inevitably would say yes.

They walked to Kageyama's place very slowly.

"Say, Kageyama?" Hinata said, kicking away pebbles.

"Hmm?"

"You're a little weird lately."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, you're like, being nice. It's weird," Hinata said, playing with the brakes on the handles of his bike.

"You make it sound like I'm not capable of being nice."

"You're not," Hinata replied quickly.

Kageyama stared at him, studying.

Hinata stared right back, eyes unwavering.

Kageyama looked away.

He hummed in response to Hinata's forgotten statement.

"I guess, I used to treat you with no respect," Kageyama mumbled, more to himself than anyone else.

"What was that?"

"Nothing, um, so what happened to Natsu?" Kageyama asked.

"What happened?"

"The story- you used to- that you were telling me. Natsu was crying because you flushed her fish down the toilet. Or something." 

"Huh? I don't remember ever telling you about that," Hinata said, "am I already repeating stories?"

"Guess not because you never finished that one."

"I haven't- hold on- you were _listening?_ "

"I listen," Kageyama answered, "sometimes."

"Wah, that's weird. What was I up to then?"

Hinata talked.

And Kageyama.

He listened.

"You act like you've never had a guest over," Hinata said as Kageyama fumbled over what to do as they took their shoes off.

"I haven't."

Hinata laughed.

"Oh yeah, you have no friends~!"

Hinata ducked out of the way as Kageyama made a lunge for him.

"I'll be the host then! I'll teach you how to not be stiff and awkward."

"You? Teaching me? No way in hell."

Hinata clasped his hands around Kageyama's stiff shoulders.

"You can take notes so you can be the host next time."

Kageyama didn't reply.

Hinata tilted his head.

"What's wrong?"

"...Next time, huh?"

Hinata nodded with a determined hum.

He sounded too sure.

Hinata stuck a lemon in both their water.

"What's this?"

"Lemonade!"

"You- that's not how-"

"Drink it anyways."

Kageyama drank it.

Anyways.

"You have any games then?"

"I have a volleyball."

"No like, video games."

"No. I have cards. Though ten pieces are missing."

"Do you have board games?"

"Yes. I don't know how to play them," Kageyama answered.

Hinata laughed.

"How do you not know how to play your own game?"

"Because the instructions are in English and no one would teach me."

"I'll teach you."

"Moron, if I can't do it then you can't."

"That's not a good way to look at life!"

Kageyama shrugged.

"Well, how bout we play truth or dare?"

"That's stupid."

"Fine!"

Hinata was silent for a few seconds before shoving Kageyama off the bed with both his hands.

"Wha-!"

"Tag! You're it!"

"What are you? Nine?!"

"'Least I'm not a grumpy ninety year old grouch like you!"

Hinata opened the bedroom door before running from room to room, screeching when he realised that Kageyama was right there behind him.

He jumped on the couch, laughing as it moved a little.

Kageyama caught up with him.

He wrapped his arms around his small frame.

They tumbled to the floor.

Hinata was laughing too hard to complain about the sharp pain in the back of his head.

"Tag," Kageyama said, softly, too worn out to properly speak, "you're it."

"Your house is too small to be running around in."

"That's why no one runs around in it."

Hinata still laughed.

He stopped when Kageyama stayed on top for too long.

"Hey Kageyama, this is kinda weird."

Kageyama looked down at him.

His eyes.

They were still bright.

Kageyama had gotten too used to the dull brown, half closed.

Dead.

His cheeks.

They were still rosy.

He touched them lightly, trying to remember the jittery warmth instead of the broken cold.

"Um Kageyama...?"

"Yeah, just-" Kageyama dropped his head down, pressing his nose against his neck.

It was warm.

"Kageyama!" Hinata shoved his face away, "that's weird! What are you doing?"

"I-"

_-just want to remember you._

"I don't know."

Hinata blew his cheeks out, "stupid, I get that you never had friends before but-"

"Shut up."

Hinata got up, tugging Kageyama up too.

"Oh, your lamp."

Kageyama looked at the red lamp, bulb broken on the floor, the shade rumpled.

"That was expensive."

"I'm so sorry! I- I didn't- don't kill me."

"Doesn't matter. Do you want water?"

"I- you- huh."

Kageyama sat on his bed, quiet.

It was already 11:40.

Hinata wasn't allowed to take a bath.

"What, worried about me drowning?"

It was 11:53.

Hinata still hadn't come out of the bathroom.

Kageyama stared at the door.

He could see blood seeping through the gap.

The second hand made ticks against the clock.

The ticks.

They were too loud to Kageyama.

 


	13. glow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kind of a shitty chapter sorry

The milk box in the vending machine was the-

Kageyama will keep trying.

Hey Hinata."

"Hmm?"

"Wanna come over?"

After surprise came a 'yes.'

Like always.

"You're weird, huh?" Hinata said.

"You're weird too."

"You're weirder, y'know? Being all nice...it's weird."

"Are you really complaining?" Kageyama asked, looking down at Hinata as they walked. He ducked down, head blocking Hinata from passing.

"I'm not complaining, I'm just saying," Hinata pouted.

Kageyama hummed in response again.

"Hey, you know what happened to Natsu? Get this, it's her 4th birthday- this happened a pretty long time ago, by the way. but like, I got her this fish-"

"Tell me another story."

"What, you don't like fish?"

"No dumbass- I mean, I do like fish but you told me that story before."

"Huh, no I haven't, what are you talking about?"

"You did, a bunch of times."

"What happened then?" Hinata challenged.

"You flushed her fish down the toilet because you're a dumbass. Natsu was crying because you're a dumbass. You got in trouble," Kageyama looked at Hinata, "because you're a dumbass."

"I'm not a dumbass!" Hinata yelled, almost dropping his bike as they walked, "but did I tell you about the time I nearly drowned in a pool and this old man tried to give me mouth to mouth?"

"That didn't happen."

"It did! Just listen, ok?"

Kageyama listened.

You act like you've never had a guest over," Hinata said as Kageyama fumbled over what to do as they took their shoes off.

"I- you want some juice?"

Hinata laughed.

"Yeah. I want-"

"Lemonade?"

"Woah, are you a mind reader? What am I thinking about right now?"

"Stupid, you're just predictable," Kageyama rolled his eyes, "you're thinking about volleyball."

"I'm not. Well now I am, woah, how'd you do that?"

Hinata explored rooms as Kageyama brought the glasses of yellow up to his bedroom.

"You have any games? Like multiplayer video games?"

"No,"

"Oh yeah, you'd have no one to play with cuz you're a loner-"

Kageyama lunged forward and Hinata jumped away, giggling.

"Ok, what about card-"

"Ten pieces are missing."

"Board-"

"Yeah no."

Hinata stayed quiet.

"We're not playing truth or dare either."

"What the hell? How did you do that? That's really creepy!"

"You're just pre-"

"-Dictable! Predictable!"

Kageyama ducked his head down, fighting a smile.

"Is this a superpower you have? You read minds? That's not fair."

"Too bad."

"Maybe if I think hard enough I could read your mind," Hinata proposed.

"You're gonna get a fever."

"Shut up, here, look at me," Hinata squashed Kageyama's cheeks in his hands, turning him so he could stare directly in his eyes.

Kageyama could only hear the ticks of his clock and his heart beat.

Kageyama's cheeks warmed up and Hinata tightened his grip.

"Milk or something," Hinata finally answered.

"No, stop."

Kageyama pushed his arms away.

"Did I get it right?" Hinata asked, taking a sip of his lemonade.

"Dumbass, no."

Hinata pinched his cheek.

"Stop,"

Hinata pinched his other cheek.

"Goddammit, stop touching me."

They were wrestling, this time.

Kageyama wasn't sure what Hinata was expecting because Kageyama had the upper hand.

"That's not fair!" Hinata yelled again because Kageyama was looming over him, hands pinning Hinata's down.

"You started it."

"Yeah but still."

Kageyama stared at the Hinata.

"Hey."

"What."

"Your eyes glow sometimes."

Hinata's eyes widened.

"What? Is- huh?"

Kageyama kept staring, expression distant.

"What- oi Kageyama, you went weirdly silent."

Kageyama dropped his head down, cold nose pressed against Hinata's warm neck.

Hinata squirmed, uneasy.

"What- what's wrong? Hey, you alright?"

He smelled like raw determination, berries and familiarity.

He felt like like neon.

But the good kind.

The neon that didn't burn out easily.

The neon that didn't flash against sudden obsidian.

"Kageyama, this is kinda...are you tired or something?"

"Tell me more stories," Kageyama interrupted.

"Um, ok but get up, this is really weird and I can't breathe."

Kageyama turned his back on Hinata, staring at the alarm clock as Hinata recited old stories about whatever with never-ending enthusiasm.

"And then Noya was like- oi, you still listening?"

"Yeah."

"Can you turn around?"

"No."

"Weeeeeird, what was I up to?"

The pillow Kageyama had under his head was a little damp with tears.

"...'M gonna miss you a bit," Kageyama said, as Hinata quietened. 

Kageyama looked at his alarm clock.

It flashed 11:40 in neon green.

"Huh? What does that mean? You going somewhere? Where are you going? Why didn't you tell anyone- am I the first to know? Are you moving?"

Kageyama didn't answer.

His pillow grew a bit damper.

Hinata touched his arm, "you- you shouldn't ignore your guests."

Kageyama didn't say anything.

He was sure if he opened his mouth, he'd let out a weak sob.

"This why you invited me over? You're leaving?"

Kageyama stayed quiet.

Hinata poked his arm, "should've told me earlier, we could've done something fun!"

"This was fun," Kageyama said, voice cracking.

He winced.

"Yeah?"

He ran his fingers down Kageyama's arm before smacking him.

"Come on, I'll get you some water and when I get back, you better be not crying. We're gonna play truth or dare."

"That's dumb-"

"Yeah but let's play anyways. I wanna play. With you."

Kageyama could hear his smile.

"Ok."

His alarm clock beeped again at 11:53.

Kageyama sighed, closing the door slowly. 

He slid down the wood, face buried in his hands.

 


	14. happy

The milk box-

"Do you want to play truth or dare?"

Hinata stared at Kageyama as he left the clubroom.

"What."

"It's a yes or no question."

"Um, yeah. Ok."

They kept walking.

"Wait, you're not gonna dare me to jump off a cliff or something, right?" Hinata asked.

"No."

"Ok, good, I'll go first-"

"Who gave you the right?"

"Me, truth or dare, Kageyama-kun?"

"...Truth."

"Bleh! How boring! So Kageyama have you had your first kiss yet?" Hinata wiggled his eyebrows.

"Dumb question, no."

"It's not dumb!"

Kageyama rolled his eyes.

"Truth or dare?"

"Dare!"

They played on.

They kept playing even after they reached the fork.

"Do you want to keep, um, walking?" Hinata asked.

"Yeah."

They played on.

"Aren't you tired of dares?" Kageyama asked, sighing.

"Nope."

"Fine," they were midst a forest and the sun was struggling to keep above the horizon, "climb that tree and scream 'Kageyama's the best!'"

"...Can I change to truth?"

Kageyama snorted.

"Tell me something you haven't told anyone else."

'"Isn't that more of a dare?"

"I dunno, either this or climb that tree."

Hinata laughed nervously before jumping on top of a crooked log.

"Oi, that's dangero-"

"I had a stroke when I was younger."

Kageyama fell quiet.

"It was the worst thing I've experienced in my whole entire life," Hinata continued, softly, "if I have a stroke again-"

"-You'll die."

Hinata laughed lightly, "you can read minds now, huh?"

Kageyama tugged Hinata's bike along.

"You're...pretty predictable."

"Yeah?" Hinata inhaled sharply, "so you- truth or dare?" 

"Truth."

"Wah, again?!"

"I have like eight bruises the last time I picked dare- I'm not going through that again."

"Boring~"

"Get on with it!"

"Geh, fine- sooo, what's one thing you like about me?"

"You're just fishing for compliments aren't you?"

"You have to answer."

"You're so needy-"

"Answer!"

"Um, you- you can jump-"

"Something not volleyball related," Hinata said, "dumbass."

"I- hold on this is gonna take a while."

"Mean!"

Hinata jumped on Kageyama who batted him away.

"You- I like- I guess, how happy you are,"

"You like that I'm happy?"

"Yeah. I can't do that," Kageyama said.

"You...you can't be happy?"

"Guess not."

Hinata punched Kageyama in the stomach.

"Stupid, of course you can be happy! I- I'll make you happy!"

"You're gonna make me happy?"

"Yes! Promise!"

"Moron, don't make promises you can't keep-"

"I'm gonna keep it, you'll see Kageyama, you'll be the happiest," Hinata roared with such determination.

Kageyama _had_ to look down.

"You can't."

'"Why?"

"Because-"

_-you're leaving soon._

"'Cause-"

"I'll do it, ok? I will."

Kageyama looked at Hinata.

His eyes.

They were glowing.

"Ok."

Hinata jumped from stump to stump.

"Hey, Kageyama," he called out.

Kageyama dragged Hinata's bike through mud.

The forest cleared out to streets and dim houses.

"Yeah?"

"We're friends."

It was a statement.

Kageyama didn't dare argue.

He hummed in response and Hinata grinned.

"It's really dark, we should get going- crap, where are we?" Hinata asked, looking around.

"Oh, it's my street, you should sleep over at my place."

"Ok!"

"It's just straight down this road-"

"Race me, Kageyama!"

"Oi! It's not safe-!"

Hinata rushed down with his bike anyways.

He turned his head to look at Kageyama.

"You're bor~ing!"

Kageyama looked at his watch.

11:50.

Kageyama looked on.

In the dark, against obsidian, there was a rain of dirt.

Kageyama stuffed shaky hands in his pocket.

He tried his best not to shudder.

To not cry.

The rain of dust faded away.

Hinata's bike was broken, half inside a ditch.

Kageyama peered inside, hand covering his mouth.

Hinata was there.

Half bent.

Half broken.

Kageyama could see bones splitting skin.

He laid there, with dirty water and litter.

Kageyama inhaled sharply and stared up, tears drying.

He stared at the stars.

They were dimming.


	15. everything

The milk box in the vending machine was the very last of its kind.

Sometimes Kageyama would let the day play along.

Hinata would ask for Kageyama to come over.

Kageyama would accept.

Hinata would die.

Sometimes.

Kageyama was reckless.

"Oi, Kageyama, do you want to come over?"

"No. Let's go for a walk."

"Heh?"

"All night. Until 12, kinda."

"What? No, I have to go home."

"You're never gonna make it anyways," Kageyama sighed, looking up at the sky.

It was the afternoon already.

The day was already half gone.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing. You can stay at my place, if you want."

Hinata stared at him, eyes wide, unbelieving.

"O-ok."

Kageyama kicked away pebbles as they walked.

"Tell me stuff," Kageyama said.

Demanded.

"Stuff? About what?"

"You."

"Me?"

Kageyama kept walking.

"Why? What's going on? You don't listen, I'm con-"

"How am I going to be your...friend if I don't know shit about you?"

 

_Friend._

 

Hinata lit up.

"My favourite food is tamago kake gohan."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah! And...Oh! I went to America when I was, like, 12, everything was so...American, you know? They have weird accents. English is weird. Oh! Natsu kept..."

Kageyama stopped walking, maybe, halfway, just to listen.

"...and so- eh? Kageyama?"

Hinata turned around to see Kageyama standing there.

Wind swept past them.

"I-"

"Tell me everything."

Hinata was quiet before he started laughing.

"Everything?"

"Yes," Kageyama answered with such seriousness it caught Hinata off guard.

"I- what about you? I want to know things. About you."

Kageyama snorted.

"Doesn't matter about me-"

"Hey, why not? What's your favourite food?"

"You're not gonna remember tomorrow."

"What? Of course I will! I'll buy it tomorrow. Unless it's like, snails or something, they eat that in France."

"It's not snails, dumbass. Keep walking."

"You're the one that stopped!"

Hinata tried to wrestle him with one hand, Kageyama batted him away.

Kageyama grabbed his wrist.

Hinata yelled.

It became background noise.

Kageyama stared at Hinata's hand.

It was small, his nails were bitten.

Chewed down.

"Stupid, what are you doing-?"

Kageyama laced their fingers together.

He wanted to be with Hinata.

As much as he could.

Before he left again.

Hinata stared at Kageyama, before shaking his hand away.

"What's up with you?" Hinata asked, eyebrows furrowed.

"I-" Kageyama exhaled as he spoke, "I like pork curry. With eggs on top."

Hinata tilted his head to the side.

"I'll get some for tomorrow. We can share."

"Tomorrow."

"Yeah."

Kageyama didn't know what happened.

But it was 11:53 again.

And Hinata was gone.


	16. fly

The milk box in-

Kageyama never really stopped thinking about Hinata.

It was slightly alarming because-

He didn't really _want_ to stop thinking about him.

He craves Hinata's nonsense chatter five minutes after 11:53.

Craves his empty yet determined promises of "making Kageyama happy!"

Craves the sweet blush blooming across his cheeks and neck.

"What? You went rigid," Hinata commented, tugging his bike along, "what? You don't want to come to my house?"

"No I- let's just walk around."

"Ok but not for long! I have to get home and stuff."

Kageyama wouldn't stop staring.

"What's up with you?" Hinata asked, mid rant.

Kageyama looked down, at Hinata's hand, dangling at his side.

He inhaled sharply.

He took Hinata's hand in his shaky one.

Hinata stared up at him, cheeks rose tinted, eyes wide.

Kageyama held his breath.

Hinata yanked his hand away.

"What are you? Gay?" Hinata shrieked- except.

He sounded curious.

"Gay...no, I'm-"

Kageyama put his hands back in his pocket.

"I'm not."

Hinata stared at him more, scrutinising him.

Kageyama stared at his feet, at the greying grass.

Hinata snorted.

Hinata hummed, both his hands dragging his bike.

"Do you think if we could fly we'd get tired? Like how we get tired of running?"

Kageyama looked at him.

At his face.

At his innocent face.

At his oblivion.

"I...that depends, would we have wings or would we fly like Peter Pan?"

"Wings! I'd have such cool wings, can you imagine? I'd zoom around everywhere."

Kageyama stared at him.

For the last time.

He looked at the horizon.

Where the sun collided with Earth.

He smiled a sad smile.

"Let's get you back. Before 11:53," Kageyama said, voice soft.

"Why? What happens at 11:53?"

Hinata looked up at him.

His eyes shined with oblivion and curiosity.

"At 11:53-" Kageyama sighed.

He ran fingers through Hinata's wind blown hair.

"-the world ends."


	17. old

The milk box in the vending machine-

Yeah.

Maybe something was wrong.

Because Kageyama knows everything about Hinata- he knows about his scar that stretched from his hip down to his thigh because he tried to bike down stairs.

He knows that Hinata thinks the quiet is scary and that he used to collect shells for Natsu when she was younger.

Kageyama knows more about Hinata than he knows about himself.

See, he even knew when the damn redhead was going to die.

Sometimes, Kageyama would fuck up the loop- because he could.

The day was going to repeat itself anyways.

He told Hinata once.

Hinata took Kageyama's pastel drink right after he stuck his straw through.

"Ha-"

"Hey Hinata," Kageyama stared at Hinata.

"Yeah."

"You're gonna die today."

"Huh?" Hinata paused.

He stayed paused.

He snorted a little.

"Ok, Kageyama-" he tried to laugh.

"I'm serious. 11:53. At night. You're gonna die."

Hinata gulped- he laughed nervously.

"Ah, we need to work on your sense of humour a bit, um, I'm just-"

He left, avoided eye contact with Kageyama.

He didn't wait for Kageyama, after practise.

He died.

But he came back, the next day, grappling at Kageyama's drink.

"How would you like to die, anyways?" Kageyama asked.

"A dark question."

"Answer it."

"I don't know. Haven't really thought of it," Hinata sighed, falling into step with Kageyama.

They quietened.

Kageyama wondered if Hinata was thinking it over.

He stared at Hinata- he liked to do that- even though he was destined to see Hinata everyday.

For the rest of his life, maybe.

Kageyama wondered how many days had passed.

Since he was cursed.

"Old age," Hinata answered.

"Old age?"

"Yeah, I wanna live a long life, y'know? Then die peacefully in my sleep as an old man."

Kageyama might've started crying.

"Wh-what's wrong? What? Are you ok? What?" Hinata fumbled, hands clamping over Kageyama's wrists.

Kageyama covered his face.

"What is it?"

"You- I'm sorry."

"For crying?"

"No, just- I'm sorry. For your death."

"What does that even mean? Why are you sorry for my death? Are you planning on killing me?"

Kageyama hugged him, Hinata tried to push him away.

Kageyama was insistent.

Hinata eventually melted against him.

"There there?" Hinata tried, patting his back.

Kageyama grabbed Hinata's face with both his hands.

He stared at his face- eyes starry with oblivion ad confusion.

"I don't know what's going on but are you fixed now?" Hinata asked from between Kageyama's hands, cheeks squished.

Kageyama looked down, sighing.

He laughed a little.

"No. I have to go home now. Watch out for 11:53."

Kageyama pressed a lingering kiss on his forehead because this time-

This time he didn't want to be there when Hinata died.


	18. anything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahahapain i really have no idea how to end this fic bUT HOWEVER I want to try something fluffier for my next fic to make up for the angst so idk if anyone has any prompts hmu on my tumblr: [@ecstasin](http://ecstasin.tumblr.com)

The milk box in the vending machine was the very-

 _For fuck's sake_ , Kageyama wanted to die sometimes.

All the time, actually.

He's thrown himself in front of the car destined to kill Hinata a couple of times.

But that was worse than torture because his eyes would flutter open, his vision tinted with red.

He would see Hinata's pained look, he would feel Hinata's tears dropping onto his own face.

He would feel Hinata cradling his head- almost gently.

He didn't do that again, it was more painful than death.

He wonders how long it had been.

How long he had been repeating days.

"Time travel would be a cool power," Hinata said and they were lying on the grass, cloud watching.

Hinata didn't have anymore stories to tell.

Kageyama drained him.

"Yeah?" Kageyama prompted.

"Hmm! Like going to the past and- oh! The future!"

Kageyama craned his head to the side.

After a few seconds he propped himself up with an elbow, so he could look down at Hinata.

He could see the clouds reflecting off his huge eyes.

"What if it went wrong?"

"How?"

"Imagine...being stuck in time."

Hinata shifted his attention to Kageyama.

"Stuck in time?"

"A time loop."

"That'd be cool! I could do anything forever!" Hinata said, "A fresh start every time. In time loops, you can commit crimes, y'know, then you'd be back to where you started anyways. You could do anything."

"Anything."

"Doesn't matter, at the end of the day right?"

Kageyama could see himself reflecting off Hinata's eyes.

He hesitated- before rushing in.

He kissed Hinata, knocked the air right out of his chest- he caged him in because he wanted this to last.

Hinata was making noises- though, he always was.

Kageyama wasn't sure if he was making squeals of panic or excited gasps but either way, he squirmed.

Kageyama tasted the universe, he tasted the sun and a kaleidoscope of colours brighter than _neon_.

Hinata pushed him off, completely.

He stared, breathing heavy- his eyes pointed to a glare.

"What the _fuck?_ " Hinata spat and he shoved Kageyama again.

He wiped his mouth before standing up.

"Hin-"

"No, I-"

_Don't talk to me, don't come near me._

Kageyama had always been good at reading Hinata.

 "-what the fuck, I don't- I have to go-"

 _Bye_.

Kageyama didn't see him for the rest of the day.

He curled up in the lush grass.

Kageyama didn't recognise Hinata's glare.

Disgust? Hatred? Panic? 

_Fear?_

Or a mix of all that.

Aimed at Kageyama.

This feeling.

It was slightly worse than death.


	19. unrequited

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i see ppl are already theorising about the ending don't worry i have the perfect ending in mind i think 
> 
> im kinda scared someones gonna guess how this whole thing is gonna end fuck gotta hurry this up
> 
> also hmu on [tumblr](http://ecstasin.tumblr.com) bc i need friends who like kagehina kinda or send prompts

The milk box in the vending machine was the very last of its kind.

It stood there, pin-

Kageyama wondered why God hated him.

It was torture at this point, watching Hinata smile so bright, the sun seemed to dim in his presence.

Watching Hinata skipping in front of him, humming.

Watching Hinata's hands gesticulate with his stories.

Watching Hinata.

Hinata.

Hina-

_He died again and again and again._

-ta.

Kageyama tried again.

He kissed Hinata as they parted roads.

Hinata ran away, wiping his mouth with his sleeve until his mouth and chin were crimson.

He kissed Hinata at his house.

Hinata left- ran without his bike.

He kissed Hinata.

Hinata left.

Kageyama wondered,

Why it left him feeling like the worst person on Earth.

Hinata brought it up, somehow.

Through coincidence and fate, perhaps.

"Have you kissed anyone before?" Hinata asked, because he could and the air was hazy.

Kageyama closed his eyes.

"Yeah."

Hinata's gaze snapped up at Kageyama.

"You've had your first kiss?!"

"Yeah."

"How many times have you been kissed?" Hinata prompted.

Kageyama counted the times he had kissed Hinata.

Before the world split into tomorrow and yesterday.

"Eight."

" _Eight?!_ "

"Yeah."

"With who? Who are these girls? What the _hell?_  Did they- did you drug them or something?"

Kageyama stared at Hinata.

"No, no- I- Hinata."

He had never confessed before.

"Hinata."

He tried again.

He wondered if trying was compulsory.

"Hinata, I-"

"What."

"I like you."

Hinata snorted.

"Ok, cool. Same, I guess."

"I like you," Kageyama said again, "I want to...be together with you."

"What? Wait, what are you talking about?"

"I like you," Kageyama breathed shakily.

"I want to...love you."

Hinata might've stopped breathing and maybe Kageyama did too.

"I- Kageyam- um-" Hinata laughed.

Nervously.

"I- this is a confession right? Um, I don't want to take this the wrong way- maybe you're bad at showing friendly affection, I-"

"This is a confession. Answer me before you die."

"I-"

Hinata stared down, at the ground.

At an ending.

"No." 

Hinata show his head, "no, no, the confession- it wasn't meant to be like this, no- a girl was meant to, a girl was gonna confess with cupcakes and pink letters not-"

Hinata breathed.

Shakily.

"I'm sorry, I- I can't. I'm not...like you."

"Like me?"

"I'm not, I can't-"

Hinata never finished his sentence before he died.

Kageyama takes it back, he doesn't want to love Hinata- no.

Not when love was torture itself.

 


	20. midnight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is short only bc I'm gonna spam lmao

The milk box in the vending machine was the very last of its kind.

It stood there, pink.

A cartoon cow yel-

Kageyama wished forever ended soon.

Wondered if endings were real.

He never confessed again.

Never kissed again.

Only because-

Hinata would never look back at him.

It was 11:53 and Kageyama sat on the side of the road, fingers laced through Hinata's cold ones.

He brushed his lips against Hinata's knuckles.

He didn't even tremble anymore.

Kageyama wondered what midnight looked like.

 


	21. stars

The milk box in the vending machine was the very last of its kind.

It stood th-

"Oi, Kageyama, you look really tired," Hinata commented.

"Hinata."

"Yeah?"

"I'm bored."

Hinata hummed against the straw of his milk drink.

"Of what?"

Today.

Kageyama looked at Hinata.

"I wanna tell you a secret."

"Ooh! Ok!"

Kageyama looked at his watch.

It was 3:40.

"I've been here before."

They sat down on the bench.

In a small park.

The slide was yellow.

But not neon.

"'Course, you live around here."

"I mean today. I've been reliving today everyday."

Hinata tilted his head and straddled the bench so he could face Kageyama.

"Reliving?"

"Timeloop Hinata, I'm stuck in a fucking timeloop or- or something."

Hinata stayed still.

He looked close to understa-

"Kageyama you suck at storytelling. Your stories are meant to sound somewhat believable, y'know?"

Kageyama sighed.

It was 3:45.

Kageyama looked at their surroundings.

He could hear the echo of a child in blue toppling over his own feet.

He could hear birds pecking at bread.

He could hear the ducks starting a fight in the pond.

He could hear the cat crossing the road.

He could hear the beep of cars stopping by to pick up their children.

Kageyama looked at Hinata.

"Yeah. You're right."

Kageyama sat on the same bench.

The stars were bright.

Beautiful.

Hinata was there too.

Crumpled on the slide.

Lying in a pool of his own blood.

The stars.

Kageyama continued to stare.

(Beautiful).


	22. believe

The milk box in the vending machine was the very last of its kind.

It stood th-

It was the same day.

With the same conversations.

With the same pauses.

It was 3:40.

Kageyama confessed the same thing.

Hinata laughed it off.

It was the same-

Except.

It wasn't.

Kageyama looked at his watch.

"I'll prove it to you."

"What."

"That I've relived this day. Too many times."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Hinata said.

"Stupid fucking idiot, Hinata, there is no tomorrow for me. There is no tomorrow for you. Today is today. Again and again."

Hinata's eyes widened.

"Look, that kid- in blue, you see? He's gonna fall over. Those ducks, in the pond there- yeah, they're gonna start a fight. A cat's gonna cross the road literally 10 seconds after that, I'll be counting. Two cars are gonna beep. Together."

The kid fell.

The ducks fought.

The cat crossed.

The cars-

They beeped.

"How did you- how- what- is- huh."

Hinata stood up, towering over Kageyama in utter confusion.

"I don't know what going on but- but- but-"

"You drowned your sister's fish in the toilet. You had a stroke when you were younger. You went to America when you were, um, 12, I think. Your favourite food is tamago kake gohan. Your eyes glow, sometimes. You're predictable but also...not."

Hinata stared at him.

Kept staring.

"I-I've never told you any of those...time loop you say?"

"You're going to die today at 11:53."

Hinata listened.

Until he had to stop.

(Kageyama's alarm beeped at 11:53. Hinata's eyes widened in fear before he went).

 


	23. soon

The milk box in the vending machine w-

Kageyama made Hinata listen everyday.

He told the redhead everything.

Everything.

"I'm sorry," Hinata said.

"What are you apologising for?"

"I- I dunno. I-"

Hinata grabbed Kageyama's face, between shaky fingers.

"I'm sorry you have to see me die everyday."

"Is it really considered everyday, at this point?" Kageyama asked.

"Huh? You _know_ I'm not good at riddles don't-"

"No I mean, it's not everyday. It's just...one day. But forever."

Hinata sat down, in front of him.

Cross legged.

"Is there a way to stop it?" Hinata asked.

Kageyama scoffed, "Idiot, if I knew I wouldn't be having this conversation with you."

Hinata rolled his eyes.

"Now that I know, let's brainstorm together."

"But you're stupid, what do you know?"

"That's not how you speak to a dead man!" Hinata yelled, hitting Kageyama's shoulder repeatedly.

Still, Hinata brainstormed.

"Have you tried killing yourself?"

"Yeah."

Hinata frowned, "don't do that again. Um, have you tried killing me?"

Kageyama-

He thought about it.

He thought about the night he flung himself at Hinata, trying to protect him.

He thought about sending Hinata through the forest, in order to avoid a car crash.

"Yeah."

"Rude," Hinata pouted, "maybe it's a love thing, I watched this English movie- a really long time ago and it was like, this guy, he got stuck in a time loop too!"

"Ok?"

"Anyways, the looping stopped when he fell in love or something."

Kageyama blushed.

"It...won't work."

"Love doesn't have to be like, coupley. Friends love each other-"

"It won't work."

"It might! I won't be weirded out, I promise."

"It won't fucking work because I already do!"

"Do what?"

"The- love. That."

Hinata peered at Kageyama, trying to figure out what he was trying to say.

"Oh."

"Yeah."

_"Oh."_

"You said you wouldn't get weirded out."

"I'm...not. I'm not. I swear. Ok, so it didn't work?"

"Again, if it did I wouldn't be-"

"Ok, I get it so um." 

Hinata looked down.

"Wow."

"What?" Kageyama grunted.

"You love me."

"Don't say it out loud. It's embarrassing."

"It's weird."

"You said you wouldn't get weirded ou-!"

"I'm not weirded out! It's just weird! But I'm not weirded out! I think!"

"You are."

"No."

"Yeah," Kageyama inhaled sharply, looking away, "you are."

Hinata was silent once more.

"You can...hug me."

"What?"

"If you want. Before I'm gone, I guess."

Kageyama pulled him into a hug.

Hinata smelt.

Warm.

Of honey and rain but also the sun- so he smelt of a rainbow, perhaps, maybe, he smelt like forever except Kageyama wanted to cling onto him.

He didn't want Hinata to end.

"I'll see you next time," Hinata grinned as they parted. He laughed a little, kinda sad, kinda not.

Kageyama couldn't bring himself to cry.

("See you soon.")


	24. joker

The mil-

Hinata was Kageyama's end.

Not his beginning, never his beginning- no.

It just wasn't meant to be.

Kageyama told him.

Everyday.

"I won't die today," Hinata said.

They were in Kageyama's bedroom.

Hinata shuffled with Kageyama's unused cards.

"I won't die today."

He said again.

Kageyama snorted to himself but he let a little part of him hope.

"Look, I'll draw out three cards and they will determine my fate."

Kageyama rolled his eyes.

"Whatever."

Hinata drew out a king.

"King- you! You're with me so I guess I won't be dying."

"That makes no sense."

"Yes it does, shush, ok, so- I have a five of hearts. Hearts. That means I'll live. Five times."

"What."

"Shut up." Hinata snapped. 

He pulled out a joker.

Kageyama flicked it into his face.

"That means all your efforts has been a joke, everything's meaningless, you're gonna die, I'm gonna relive it, haha."

Kageyama flopped back into his bed.

"How are you so...accepting of this?" Kageyama asked.

"Well, you're being really nice which is weird. And you waited for me, after practice. Which is also weird. But nice. Oh and you know all my secrets apparently, I've never told anyone about the, uh, stroke thing. It's weird that you know."

Kageyama looked at the alarm on his bedside table.

11:45.

It blinked.

11:46.

Hinata followed his gaze.

"Kiss me."

"Huh."

Kageyama looked at him, eyes glazed over.

Watered down.

"Nothing, n- I just. Before you die."

"Oh yeah, you have a gay thing for me apparently."

"Shut the fuck up, don't phrase it like that."

Hinata laughed before locking eyes with Kageyama.

Fiery Kageyama.

Passionate Kageyama.

Confident Kagey-

He wasn't there.

The blue of his eyes.

Were drained to ash.

Hinata frowned, staring down at his shaky hands.

He fisted them into Kageyama's shirt.

He pressed a quick kiss against Kageyama's lips.

"There. No regrets now."

He beamed.

Kageyama hugged him.

Again.

They melted into the bedsheets like that.

Hinata flush against Kageyama's chest.

Kageyama looked at the alarm clock.

"I can hear your heartbeat," Hinata whispered, voice muffled in Kageyama's shirt.

"Yeah?"

"It's like, badum, badum, ba...poosh!"

He started laughing, at a joke even he didn't understand.

Kageyama looked down at Hinata.

Hinata.

Hinata looked back up.

His eyes.

They were so full of life and wonder.

So full.

Of colour.

Hinata himself.

Was so full of hues of the bright.

"Hey Kageyama, your heart just sped up a little, what are you thinking about?"

Kageyama burrowed his chin down on top of his head.

Until he yelped.

_You._

It was five minutes before 11:53.

And Hinata was having his last stroke.

Kageyama held him in his arms.

Saw no point in saving Hinata.

Saving someone doomed from the beginning.

Kageyama hummed to himself.

To Hinata.

"See you next time, then."

Kageyama said, parting away.

"Don't forget me."

He laughed to himself.

 


	25. acceptance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >>>>:::))))))
> 
> can you believe this whole entire fanfic was unplanned i was just "time loop lol" and now we're here

The milk box in the vendi-

Hope, it was four fucking letters long and Kageyama couldn't bring himself to care anymore.

Because he spends his limitless forever holding onto hope that yes, maybe- maybe today, 11:53 won't be 11:53.

Maybe Hinata would live to see another minute.

But days passed

So did an entire eternity.

He felt his life slipping- but not quite.

Not quite.

Maybe that was the most infuriating thing about this.

11:53

Not quite witching hour.

Too soon to end.

Hinata died.

Again.

Again.

 

 

 

 

 

_Again._

Kageyama watched from the sidelines.

Eyes cold with acceptance.

"Ok," he sighed.

"Ok!" 

He yelled.

He looked up, at the unchanging weather. 

At God, frowning down at his fate.

"Ok."

He muttered.

In defeat.


	26. boy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow this is actually kinda coming together.
> 
> Also! I try to reply to comments as often as I can but if I can't pls know that I've read them, I've heard your cries of pain, I've read your theories about the ending and I appreciate them, thank you!

The milk box in the vending machine was the very last of its kind.

I-

Kageyama walked away.

"Kageya- oi! Don't you want your milk?"

Kageyama ran away.

"Kageyama-!"

"No!"

Kageyama.

He hid.

And he tried to cry.

Tried to expel the dead weight that was heavy on his shoulders and chest.

He felt the burn in his throat.

The prickle behind his eyes but he had long wrung himself dry of tear and emotions.

He heaved out a sigh.

He should be used to this.

He should be used to 11:53.

Kageyama looked at the sky.

Trying was compulsory, he used to say.

Until it wasn't.

He should be used to this, he thought again.

But he wasn't.

No, somehow, it was worse now.

Knowing that Hinata-

The boy he held in his arms.

The boy that made his heart race.

The boy who giggled at his own jokes before looking right into Kageyama's eyes, as if to transfer the joy.

The boy who promised him happiness eight lives ago.

Kageyama grabbed at his hair.

He dug his nails down, scratched at his scalp.

The boy.

Hinata.

But Kageyama.

He was a boy too.

Cowering away from neon and obsidian.

He.

Was just a _boy._


	27. force

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ewgdyygvyu i haven't posted for too long also sometimes when i post chapters i spam, so if anything feels out of place you probably missed a chapter

The milk box in the vending machine was the very last of its kind.

It stood there, pink.

A cartoon cow yelled in aggressive kanji.

With a scowl, Kageyama pressed the buttons.

"Kageyama-"

They were back to square one.

Or zero.

Maybe nothing was meant to happen.

Between them.

"Kageyam-"

Kageyama stayed away.

For as long as he could.

He ducked away during lunch.

Tried not to care until-

Until Hinata didn't matter.

He tried to be logical- he tried for too long.

Logic didn't matter, in this universe, it seemed.

What was logic in a world where Hinata slipped away at the nearing sight of a new day?

But it was afternoon and Hinata was still waiting.

Because he will _always_ be waiting.

"Kageyama-"

"Go away."

Hinata snorted.

"Ok, wait, let me grab my bike, wait here."

Kageyama.

He ran.

But Hinata.

He was designed to always catch up.

"What's your deal? Oi, slow down-!"

"Get lost," Kageyama bit back.

"What?"

"Get _lost!_ Get the fuck away from me!"

"Kageyama? What's wrong?"

" _You!_ You, it's always you! Oh my God, I just want _peace!_ "

Kageyama slowed down, collapsing on his knees.

Hinata stopped with him.

"I think, it's your fault," Kageyama concluded his downward spiral.

"What is?"

"You're why I'm like this."

"Kageyama, what-"

"Stay away. From me."

"Kage-"

"Stay the fuck away!"

Force.

Hinata flinched away.

Kageyama pretended not to notice.

"Get lost. I don't want to see you anymore."

(Don't want to see you die anymore, don't want to see you cry).

(Anymore).

Hinata gulped.

He straightened his wobbly lips.

"If- if that's how you feel, I don't know what's wrong with you but whatever."

He rode on, towards the fork in their path.

"I won't wait for you anymore."

Kageyama stayed on his knees, nails digging into his palm until he could feel white pressure and-

Blood.

 

(But Kageyama saw 11:53 in his dreams. God really did hate him).


	28. snap

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shit actually begins here like all the chapters before now is all build up to thiS
> 
> kinda not really this is just the beginning :))))))

The milk box in the vendin-

Kageyama wouldn't know, he had been neglecting his milk for a few infinities now.

But the weather seemed colder and Kageyama had skipped school.

Had been skipping school for a few hundred forevers.

He hadn't seen Hinata since-

-The today before.

It didn't make sense but Kageyama had his fingers clenched around his scalp.

Pulling, pulling, _pulling._

He missed him.

Hinata.

But at the same time he didn't, _fuck,_ he was so glad to be away, to not see him die in the _flesh_.

He has nightmares every night, he isn't sure if it's recurring, a compilation of collected memories or of the current 11:53.

He doesn't want to find out.

Hinata comes by everyday.

Three knocks.

Then two more.

Then eight more and a scream of "Kageyama! I know you're in there! I brought medicine and some sports magazines!"

Kageyama never answered.

Anymore.

But it was his eighth infinity.

And Kageyama missed him so damn much.

He left his door unlocked.

Hinata tottered in, Kageyama heard the second he realised the door was open.

His words hitched in the back of his throat before falling away in a surprised "oh."

Kageyama was in the kitchen.

Entertaining himself with cutlery.

"What are you doing, stupid?" Hinata asked, "pardon the intrusion, by the way."

"No one's home."

"You are!"

Hinata laughed.

It wasn't funny.

Or maybe Kageyama couldn't laugh anymore.

"Do you like forks then?" Hinata asked.

Kageyama looked down, he had his fingers spread out, fork balanced in the gap.

"Who knew Kageyama would have a weird fetish?" Hinata laughed a little.

Kageyama died a little inside.

He wondered if he was already dead, if he hadn't been repeating his days.

He wondered if Hinata was old.

He wondered if anything mattered.

He pushed the fork against his knuckles.

"What the fuck! Oi, stop!" Hinata pushed the fork away, smoothing Kageyama's bruised knuckles.

Hinata looked at his other hand.

His left hand was ugly.

Hinata gasped, staring at Kageyama's knuckles, all hardened with old blood.

"What the hell, Kageyama!" Hinata pulled away.

"I don't know!"

"What _happened_ to you?!"

"I don't know-!"

Kageyama's fingers twisted through his hair, pulling until his scalp burned.

Hinata fished his fingers out.

"Are you _mad?_ " Hinata asked, angry.

Confused.

He was holding Kageyama's hands.

Kageyama stood up.

He let himself relapse.

He let himself break.

"I love you."

"You _what?_ "

He kissed Hinata this time.

For real.

It was messy, his teeth clacked against Hinata's, their noses brushed, Hinata screamed against his mouth.

He didn't stop until his cold, bruised fingers were trailing up his shirt, skirting around the edges of his back.

He curled his hands into a claw, drawing sharp lines of red down Hinata's back because-

-He hated Hinata.

Hinata was panting by the end, eyes wide, panicked, confused, everything and nothing.

Kageyama pushed him on the table.

He didn't do anything else.

"I hate you."

Hinata didn't respond.

Hinata looked at Kageyama, right in the eye:

_"You're scaring me."_

Kageyama snapped.

Crumbling on the floor: apologising, cursing, confessing, lying, yelling.

"Something's _wrong_ with you."

"I-I-"

"Kageyama, you- you're _insane_."

Kageyama snapped.

He grabbed anything, he was aiming for Hinata's arm but he grabbed the knife laying next to the spoon on the table.

"You don't _understand!_ "

Hinata shrunk away because Kageyama was on the table too.

"You don't _get_ it."

Hinata's eyes watered.

"I'm in _hell_."

"Ka- Kageyama! Let go of me! I- Let go!"

_"Never!"_

He didn't know what happened after.

He blanked out.

Chasing obsidian.

But when he woke up.

It wasn't 11:53.

The sun was setting, the sky was crossed with purples and reds, clouds tinted orange.

The same sunset.

Hinata was dead.

Kageyama's hands were stained in blood.

 

_(It wasn't 11:53)._

 


	29. univer- soul

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> are you guys genuinely ok because more than half of you are celebrating Kageyama murdering Hinata I'm kinda concerned what have i done.
> 
> also i feel like I'm hyping everyone up for the ending, its probably not going to be that great ok please don't be too disappointed with the outcome, tone down your expectations pleasE

Kageyama didn't dream of 11:53.

Instead he dreamt of the universe.

He dreamt of the beginning- where everything was nothing.

He dreamt of the future.

Something beyond his grasp.

He dreamt of concepts he still didn't understand.

Kageyama dreamt of the universe.

It was neither cold or hot.

A peace between too.

But he still shivered.

His palms were clammy with sweat.

It was neither dark or light.

He was in a place where the floor was nothing.

He stared forward.

Or perhaps he stared back?

But midst the void of nothing and everything.

There was a rip.

It felt like saltwater and the entire cosmos.

It was the colour of a mirror, the sound of light.

There was a rip.

In time.

In the fabric of the universe.

There was a _rip._

Kageyama woke up, his soul aching and _gaping._

 

(There was a rip.

In the fabric of his soul).

 

And when Kageyama woke up.

The milk box in the vending machine was the very last of its kind.

It stood there.

Pink.

 


	30. minute

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 30 chapters woooo only 10 more chapters i think 
> 
> if it makes u feel better I'm writing fluff to make up for this :))))

The milk box in the vending machine was the very last of its kind.

It stood there, pink.

A cartoon cow yelled in aggressive kanji.

Kageyama didn't press the buttons.

Hinata pestered him.

Like usual.

Kageyama stared at him.

He continued staring at him.

"What?"

"I- I don't know what to feel."

Hinata hummed: considerate.

"'Bout what?"

_'Bout what?_

About killing Hinata.

About kissing Hinata.

About loving Hinata.

About hurting Hinata.

About _Hinata._

About the rip centred around his soul.

"About...you."

"Me? You should feel happy!"

Kageyama couldn't do that.

He wondered if anything changed.

Wondered about the significance of 11:53.

He stared up at the sky.

Night.

Hinata was in the hospital.

It was another car accident.

Kageyama stayed.

"You know...he's gonna die. Anyways," Kageyama said, staring down at his shoes.

Hinata's mother's hands were clasped together as she prayed.

"...Excuse me?"

"Hinata- er, Shouyou- he's gonna die. No- no way is he gonna survive."

She stared, eyes wide.

Natsu started crying.

He choked on her own sobs, her lungs heavy.

"How- How _dare_ you-"

"Accept it. He was doomed from the beginning, anyways."

" _Accept it?!_ Are you _serious?_ What a disgustingly _insensitive_ thing to say! Do you not have a heart? _What kind of friend are you?_ "

Kageyama paused, looking forward.

"Guess I was never meant to be a friend."

But it was almost 12.

Kageyama looked at his watch.

He could go home, it was the same news anyways.

"Hinata-san. Kageyama-kun."

It was the doctor.

Kageyama rolled his eyes.

Hinata-san glared at him, eyes wet.

"Shouyou...he-"

"-Didn't make it, right?" Kageyama asked, from his seat.

Hinata-san's eyes _twitched,_ hands clenching into shaking fists.

"Kageyama-kun, I- you shouldn't- he's dead."

"I know that," Kageyama clicked his tongue.

The doctor glanced at Hinata-san. At Natsu.

"It's probably a coping mechanism, please pay him no mind."

Hinata-san took in shallow breaths.

"He passed away at 11:54-"

"11:54?" Kageyama hissed.

"You should go home, Kageyama-kun," Hinata-san growled, wiping her eyes with her palm.

" _11:54?"_ Kageyama prodded again, "you're mistaken- that's- _no way._ "

"He passed away at 11:54. Don't accuse me of making miscalculations."

"It's 11:53, that's- no, you're wrong," Kageyama's eyes widened, he leaned against the wall, "that- that's- 11:54. That's-"

11:54.

Perhaps.

The universe had given him an extra minute.

 

(He was too scared to hope).


	31. opportunity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think this is my longest chapter damn

The milk box in the vending machine was the very last of its kind.

It stood there, pink.

A cartoon cow yelled in aggressive kanji.

There were quite tweaks in the universe.

Hinata died.

Again.

Again.

But Kageyama stared at his watch, eyes bulging.

His fingers trembled, he fisted his bedsheets.

11:55.

An extra _two minutes_.

Hinata stared at him, the next day.

"You seem happy, kinda."

Kageyama looked down at him.

"It's ending- or- or, it's continuing? I don't know. I don't know."

Hinata tilted his head to the side.

"I have no idea what you said but yay?"

Kageyama stopped.

Everything.

He couldn't waste this.

He shouldn't waste this.

He couldn't _afford_ to waste this.

"Hin- Hinata."

"Yeah?"

They were looking up at each other.

"Let's stay."

"Ok," Hinata agreed, "where?"

"At my place."

"Uwah, are you asking me to stay the night?" Hinata grinned and Kageyama's heart-

-It started beating again.

"Yes, yes, please stay."

Hinata backed away, Kageyama's pleading tone taking him by surprise.

"I- ok, alright. Sure."

Kageyama dragged him into the bed as 11 neared.

Hinata flailed back.

"What are you doing?" Hinata asked.

Kageyama shuffled in close, giddy because it's happening.

The absence of _11:53_.

Filled him with unfiltered joy.

Maybe- maybe he could delay fate.

Push back what was meant to be until Hinata lived _forever._

Until Kageyama could be happy.

Forever.

"I wanna remember you."

"You know Kageyama," Hinata said, shuffling in closer. The lamp was on, golden light filled the quiet air, "you talk like a crazy person."

Kageyama stared.

"I do?"

"Yeah, it's- it's weird. You look a little crazy right now, actually-"

"I'm not," Kageyama said, "crazy- anyways, I'm going to touch you, ok? ok."

It was a rush.

Kageyama didn't spare a second.

"Touch me-?"

Kageyama trailed his thumb down Hinata's face, down his lips, down the bridge of his nose.

Hinata hummed, confused but content.

"So weird..."

"What?" Kageyama whispered.

"You. You're so weird."

Kageyama rested his forehead against Hinata's.

"That's ok. That's ok-"

"Why do you do that? You keep repeating yourself, like- you don't do that,normally, what's wrong? Did something happen- you're being weird-"

Kageyama moved back, glaring.

He looked at his alarm clock, he was wasting time, Hinata was wasting time- it was 11:53 already, he had more time, more minutes, more infinities.

Hinata was still talking, still moving back, still not looking at Kageyama.

"Will you shut the fuck up?! You're wasting time! Holy shit, stay still, let me- just let me!"

Hinata stared back, eyes wide.

Kageyama grabbed the back of his head, fisting a hand through his hair, until Hinata yelped in pain- but whatever, he was going to die soon, Kageyama couldn't waste time.

"Shut up, ok? Ok, Hinata? We're gonna run out of time."

"Kage-"

_"Shut up!"_

He sat up, towering over Hinata, eyes narrowed into a glare.

Hinata.

He stayed quiet.

Kageyama trailed his hands down Hinata's face, down his neck, collarbones, chest-

11:54.

Hinata was having a seizure.

He was dying.

Kageyama continued running soft touches down his body.

Time wasn't up.

Yet.

11:55.

Hinata's heart was pumping into thundering beats and drowning under quiet taps.

Kageyama kissed his chest, where his heart was.

He turned his head, resting his ear against his heart. He stared at the clock.

_11:56._

No more thundering beats.

Or quiet taps.

Kageyama kissed his heart again.

The next eternity.

He ended exactly on 11:57.

Kageyama grinned.

"You're- you're gonna be alive."

"What the hell does that mean?" Hinata asked, slipping back because Kageyama's eyes shone with excited _danger_.

By the time it was 11:58.

Kageyama was more than slightly.

_Mad._

But in a good way, he reasoned, he had more time with Hinata- a few more eternities, he had to appreciate, he- he couldn't-

He _loved_ Hinata.

In the worst way possible.

"Kag- what are you doing? What's going on?"

Kageyama hushed him. He pressed a finger against his lips.

"Why- why are we in the forest? It's- look, it's almost midnight-"

"I know! Let's just stay here? Ok? Don't talk, ok? I just- I wanna look at you. Before you go."

"Before I go? You mean before I go home?"

"I told you to shut up," Kageyama growled, "and no, before you go home? What? You're not going _home-_ " Kageyama laughed a little.

"I'm- Kageyama. What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

Hinata took a few steps back and that's what he seemed to be doing lately.

Edging away.

From Kageyama.

Kageyama shook his head, clasping his hands around Hinata's shoulders and dragging him forward, towards him.

"Means you're not going home. 'Cause, you know, you're gonna die and shit."

Hinata ripped himself away.

"What? I- Are you planning on murdering me? Or something?" Hinata laughed lightly, nervously.

Kageyama stayed quiet.

"Sorry about that."

"What?"

"For murdering you? Like, remember?" Kageyama scratched the back of his head.

"I don't like this, I don't- take me home-"

"No! We have to spend every minute together! You talk too much, Hinata, we have to- we have to make up for lost time- before you die-"

"Stop saying that! You're freaking me out!"

Hinata was walking away, fast and no, no, _no_ \- Hinata was meant to _stay._

Kageyama breathed: erratically.

God gave Kageyama more time.

The universe had given Kageyama _something._

And Hinata- he was running away.

Kageyama laughed, "you don't have a flashlight, moron! You can't leave me!"

Kageyama looked at his watch.

11:58.

Kageyama ran after Hinata, he couldn't miss it.

His death.

He's learnt to expect it.

Death.

He heard a scream as Hinata tumbled into darkness, obscured by tall trees.

11:59 and Kageyama was there, next to Hinata.

His neck was bent the wrong way, mouth leaking blood.

Kageyama sighed, sitting beside him, legs crossed.

"Told you not to leave."

The milk box in the vending machine was the very last of its kind.

It stood there, pink.

A cartoon cow yelled in aggressive kanji.

Kageyama waited for witching hour.

Hinata's eyes shone with fear- that's the closest to love he was ever going to get.

Kageyama glared down at Hinata.

Bitter.

Hinata told him he was a freak, "you're mad Kageyama! Mad!"

Hinata told him to _stop, stop, you're scaring me._

Hinata ran away, tears gushing down, eyes wild with fear.

Kageyama didn't dare blink.

Because every time he closed his eyes, he could see the rip within time.

And Hinata's face, bright with _fear._

"Don't look at me like that."

Hinata stared up, he was on the floor, elbows bruised.

"Am I going to die tonight?"

"Does 12 count as tonight or tomorrow?"

Hinata died in Kageyama's arms at midnight.

Kageyama looked at him, finally feeling tears prick.

He felt empty, suddenly.

He looked at Hinata's face, slack with death.

His soul thrummed.

 

It was witching hour and Kageyama had missed all eight of his chances.


	32. repeat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for not updating sooner um, i had a wave of assignments and tests

The milk box in the vending machine was the very last of its kind.

It stood there, pink.

A cartoon cow yelled in aggressi-

Kageyama was paranoid.

It felt wrong.

The whole day felt wrong.

But it was the same.

Somehow.

Hinata greeted him.

In the morning, like usual.

Kageyama tried not to act on impulse.

He tried to not love so hard, that it suffocated Hinata.

Still.

The day felt wrong.

"Hey Kageyama, wanna walk around?" Hinata asked.

"Ok, yes, sure, yeah."

Hinata giggled alongside him.

"You alright there?"

"N- I guess. This is the most ok I've been. In a while."

Hinata peered up at him.

"Yeah?"

"I guess."

"You should be more sure of yourself!" Hinata said.

They were in the forest now.

Treetops blocked out the sun.

They stayed.

Somehow, between the lines of insanity and quiet impulse.

Kageyama stayed quiet.

Long enough to listen.

Hinata jumped around logs, retelling stories Kageyama had heard a million times.

He listened.

Hinata's eyes sparkled, lashes fluttering wildly as he remembered bits of his story he missed-

Kageyama kinda-

-longed for this feeling of ignorant bliss.

He hunched forward, resting his cheeks on open palms.

He listened.

His fingers shook slightly.

It was permanent, probably.

His fingers never stopped quivering these days (or infinities).

Maybe, he was waiting for something.

An ending perhaps.

He dared not to speak, afraid to wrong the universe for the ninth time.

He didn't have to check his watch for 12:01.

Because he was standing at the bottom of the jagged ending of a hill, where nothing but pointed rocks lay in front of broken branches.

Hinata would inevitably meet him there.

Hinata fell with a scream, Kageyama didn't hear it.

It was all background noise to him, at this point.

Hinata fell, body scattering into only skin and blood and flesh.

Rocks drove through him.

Kageyama sighed.

He blinked hard- not sure if he should laugh or not.

When he opened his eyes, Hinata he-

-He wasn't there.

He was up on the hill and Kageyama heard that scream again.

He was falling again.

Dying again.

Kageyama blinked twice more, felt Hinata dying twice more.

He didn't react.

He turned around, bones tired from nothing.

But Hinata was there too, screaming and falling.

Kageyama's eyes widened as he tried to grip what was happening.

It clicked, a few blinks later, that this wasn't normal.

This wasn't normal.

He spun around, trying to run away, this forest was hell, this fores-

Hinata was still there, not matter which way he turned.

Dying.

He turned to the opposite direction sharply.

He skidded to a halt, falling on Hinata's corpse.

Again, he fled.

But now, he was lost in the dark forest, one minutes after witching hour and Hinata's dead screams on repeat.

He wanted to cry, he clawed at his face, willing tears to come out-

His shoulders were scrunched up high, tense, he couldn't cry, so he laughed.

It was a painful laugh.

He ended up kneeling on the ground, forehead touching dirt.

He opened his eyes, looking up, Hinata died once more.

(He didn't stop dying and Kageyama thought that maybe, he was fated to never cease).


	33. glitch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @ ppl who guessed there was a glitch or smth 
> 
> ye u right

There were two milk boxes in the vending machine.

They stood there.

Blue.

Kageyama stared.

He shook the vending machine, because something was wrong, something was so definitely wrong and off- he hated it.

It felt unnatural.

Hinata tugged at his shirt- and no, he wasn't meant to do that.

Hinata didn't speak for two seconds too long.

"Kageyama, where's your milk?"

"The-"

"What?"

"It's blue."

Hinata stared at him and Kageyama swore he saw his eyes twitch unnaturally.

"It- it's always been blue? I-"

"Pink. It was pink, it was always pink, why isn't it pink? What the fuck did you do, Hinata?"

"Kageyama, relax, it's just milk- and quit blaming me!"

"It's not supposed to be blue!"

Change.

The whole concept of _change_.

Was very strange to Kageyama.

"You're being stupid. And dumb."

The sky.

Was also different.

Two shades less cerulean.

Class was different too.

"We- hey- we're doing- we're doing simultaneous...equations."

Mayu-sensei fixed her glasses.

"Kageyama-kun, we're...not."

"Yes- yes we- the answer for question 4 exactly is- is 48. X equals to 48- we- you divide the-"

Script, Kageyama was reading of a script he spent all eternity learning.

"Kageyama-kun, sit down, we're doing simultaneous equations next month. Or so."

"No."

Monochrome.

Kageyama snapped his neck nearly, as he turned to stare out the window.

The sky.

It was static for a second.

The class stared at him.

Kageyama's fingers quivered by his side.

Kageyama could hear their breathing- except-

Except it sounded like the radio, on the wrong station.

Data antennas couldn't pick up.

Static.

A glitch.

The sound of the universe falling apart.

When Hinata moved.

Kageyama could see pixels.

He blinked hard, he rubbed his eyes.

_Change._

Was a difficult concept to grasp.

"Kageyama, hey, why do you look like that?" 

Kageyama looked at Hinata, until his eyes ached.

"I- it's. Everything is."

Kageyama grabbed at Hinata's head, fingers wrapping around his hair.

He held on, to steady himself.

"Dying."

"What?"

"You think the universe ever dies, Hinata?"

"No? I don't think about dumb things."

"It's not...hey, you're kinda blurry."

"Blurry?" Hinata touched his face, "you should see the eye doctor or something."

Kageyama waited for 11:53.

Except it just.

Wouldn't come.

Maybe he should be waiting for 12:01.

He didn't know what he was waiting for.

An hour after, it was still 11:53.

A day after, it was still 11:53.

A lifetime later.

It was still.

11:53.

Then:

The in-between.

Kageyama watched in horror, as Hinata was caught between death and life.

The clock glitched between 11:52 and 11:53.

"Hin-"

"It hurts- Ka- What's happening-?"

Blood gushed out of his mouth, yet- he remained alive.

"Why- help me-!"

Kageyama only watched.

"You- you _never_ help-"

Kageyama could see Hinata's heart, still beating.

Yet Hinata had no pulse.

"-watch, all you _do_ is- is _watch_ -"

Red.

Obsidian and neon, neon, _neon._

"There's nothing," Kageyama's voice closed to a harsh whisper; scared, "in the universe I can  _do_ , to save you."

Hinata looked up at him, eyes emblazoned with red and every emotion there is.

"-you just, _let_ me- _die_."

11:53.

The universe crumbled into static and _neon_.


	34. familiar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woot woot 6 more chapters
> 
> also idk what the fuck this chapter is ok like it just happened sorry its p messy and dumb???

The milk box-

There was no milk box.

_Change._

It dove Kageyama insane.

_Insane._

Hinata greeted him and Kageyama wanted to pretend, a little bit, that everything was normal, normal, Hinata was going to die on 11:53, not a minute earlier or after.

"You alright?"

"I-I- _want_ you to die."

And it felt off on Kageyama's tongue.

Hinata took a step back, eyes wide.

Serious.

But no, _no_ , Kageyama didn't mean it like that- he didn't mean anything at this point.

He just needed familiarity.

The lack of milk boxes-

It was safe to say that it bothered Kageyama.

He wondered if he was ready to move on to another day.

But Hinata began phasing in and out of reality and Kageyama couldn't handle it.

"Hi-Hinata!" He yelped because Hinata was.

Gone.

But he came back, probably, he has to come back, it wasn't 11:53 without Hinata.

Kageyama couldn't begin without Hinata ending.

Hinata did come back, he asked Kageyama why he was yelling, what's wrong Kageyama? I'm here, I'm- I'm-

But he wasn't but at the same time.

He was.

Kageyama didn't get it- but he was the same kid who had caught the glimpse of the centre of the universe.

Kageyama wondere- He _wondered_ for a few minutes-

(hours, years, time was only a pigment of his imagination anyways),

-if it was him who was fading in and out of reality.

So he grabbed hold.

He anchored himself to Hinata.

"Kageyama?" Hinata asked.

Kageyama stared- he closed his eyes because he could still see the curiosity and blind trust in Hinata's eyes- even through a shield of dark.

Hinata's eyes-

Kageyama hoped.

-Would never change.

So he grabbed on.

To the familiarity in Hinata's eyes because after- after all this.

After losing the meaning of time and placement.

He still wanted to stay with Hinata.

But the universe was cruel, maybe crueler now after opening itself for Kageyama's bare, naive eyes.

It ripped Hinata away.

Caught between reality and a bitter dream.

But Kageyama waited, for 11:53.

Because Hinata should be back.

Because- because if he wasn't, Kageyama would have to deal with repetition, for more infinities.

Or maybe.

He was free.

11:53 neared and Kageyama started thinking too much.

And he wondered if Hinata knew, in this life or another dimension, about this loop, about anything, was he reliving anything?

Did Hinata know what numbed pain was?

It was annoying, Kageyama might've thrown himself to the wall.

It was annoying.

All these days.

All this everything.

It was annoying.

And Hinata.

He came back on 11:53, collapsing into Kageyama's arms.

Kageyama found the inevitability in death reliable.

So he anchored himself to Hinata's death.

To something that wouldn't change.

 

 

(No matter what).


	35. comfort

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ew @ this chapter idk what i did to kageyama's character

The milk box-

Kageyama was still on the verge because today.

Today.

He didn't know what to expect.

 _Fear_ \- it was an odd sort of fear.

There was ringing in his ears, from thinking too much, maybe.

But Hinata had been standing by Kageyama for two minutes and twenty three seconds, talking.

Kageyama didn't hear a single word.

Kageyama stared- and he stared until the vein in his temple throbbed.

Hinata slowed, eyes crinkling down to concern.

His mouth moved.

( _Kageyama?_ )

Kageyama took a step back, hitting the vending machine and- and- the clunks of soda cans hitting the glass didn't register in his ears.

Or maybe he didn't hear the hum of the machine because panic was rushing through his mind.

"Hinata."

( _Yes?_ )

"Hinata!"

And he moved his mouth, looking up at Kageyama, eyes blown even wider because what was wrong, Kageyama? Why are you screamin-

_"Hinata!"_

Hinata grabbed his shoulders, steadying him because Kageyama was tipping over, he was tipping _over._

"I can't hear you."

And Kageyama fell.

Because he had dedicated his infinities on _listening_.

"I can't-"

Hinata opened his mouth-

"I can't hear you!"

And he clamped his hands over his ears.

But he could hear his ragged breathing, the sound of wind, the distant static of time twisting into something foreign.

And suddenly.

Suddenly, Kageyama craved a story.

Hinata crouched down with him, fingers flitting around Kageyama's shaking wrist and Kageyama wondered what it felt to hold still.

To not quiver endlessly.

"N-Natsu...she was crying- bawling, she was bawling and-" Kageyama inhaled sharply and he could hear the ball getting kicked around in the field, "-you couldn't do anything because you were holding a fishbowl with...with no fish because you flushed it down the toilet by accident-"

( _When did I ever tell you that?_ )

"You went to America when you were 12-" Kageyama recited his stories as if they were lullabies spoken against the night.

Hinata listened.

"Hey Hinata, I don't want you to leave-" They were sitting on grass, the school hours had fled by and the sky was on the brink of collapsing into night, "but it'd be weird if you didn't."

( _What are you talking about?_ )

"Universe doesn't care about you anymore, I guess," Kageyama ended and Hinata's eyes widened.

Watery.

Hinata opened his mouth.

It stayed open.

He didn't dare to form a syllable.

(Resignation, perhaps, in the form of silence).

He stood up, glaring down at Kageyama.

(You're _cruel_ ).

But Kageyama still took comfort in 11:53.

It was horrifying, it was horrifying, it was _horrifying._

Because Hinata's voice contorted into low growls as he screamed for Kageyama.

Helplessness never suited Hinata and Kageyama could hear his voice box getting ripped out.

Twain into smithereens within smithereens.

And he heard the sea in Hinata's quiet exhales, he could hear blood and choking neon and no- no- that was just insanity he was hearing.

 


	36. sign

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guy s i have no internet at all so updates are gonna be slower i think

The vending machine was.

Gone.

And 11:53.

Was no more.

Because Kageyama's hands were squeezing his alarm clock and it blared _12:05! 12:05! 12:05!_

When did 11:53 slip away?

Has it always been like this?

Kageyama was still trying to wrap his head around the fact that Hinata was disappearing, part by part.

Permanently?

It was a new day- new life time.

And it did not start with a broken vending machine.

It started with Hinata.

Lifeless on the ground.

Kageyama was there- fuck, he was always there when it came to Hinata.

Hinata started off dead.

But then.

He opened his eyes.

Kageyama watched, as the car reversed away, watched all the blood float back into Hinata and it was all backwards.

Kageyama watched.

And he watched as Hinata walked back to _him._

"Oot uoy etah I."

Kageyama watched- and he stared and he stopped _breathing_.

"W-what?"

Kageyama played it back in his head, again and again-

"You- you what?"

But Hinata carried on, as if Kageyama wasn't there.

He walked back.

"?Dneirf ym uoy t'nera yhw."

"H-Hinata?"

And it scared Kageyama, a little bit, a lot.

It was as if Hinata was programmed.

(Perhaps all of this was?)

Kageyama stopped walking, Hinata went on.

Kageyama stared at his watch.

It was stuck on 12:06 and Kageyama didn't understand.

"?Revo emoc annaw, yeh."

Kageyama wondered what he was talking to, who he was saying.

(Nothing ever made sense anymore).

_(?!)_

Kageyama walked silently, he'd scream sometimes.

( _"Look at me, Hinata! Look at-"_

"?taiw ot uoy llet I t'ndid.")

Kageyama felt like a ghost.

And when he peered into Hinata's eyes, they were still-

Dead.

And it didn't make sense, because he was alive? He was alive?

Kageyama grabbed his wrist, felt his pulse- felt his life-

It was there, but the shine in Hinata's eyes.

"Yo-your eyes, Hinata."

Hinata talked in reverse.

"They don't glow... _anymore_."

And maybe that was a sign.

Of the end.

Except- except the end already ended-

A million times over and Kageyama still didn't _understand_.

It made Kageyama's restless, his heart thumped in irregular patterns and his breathing grew ragged.

Hinata continued back in time.

He hated it, Kageyama hated it because this- all this was out of his _control_.

He wondered what it felt, to control his days, to control Hinata's death.

It was all distorted, time was distorted and Kageyama could feel his soul becoming less of a soul.

Every time he closed his eyes, he could see the galaxies fall apart into the end.

The universe was (ending).

It was a _sign_.

Kageyama was standing in front of the vending machine.

(It's a sign).

 

 


	37. invert

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> are any of you guys confused? don't worry, in a few chapters, I'll explain things properly, everything now is so vague

It's fucked up.

It's still fucked up.

Because the colours- the fucking colours.

Hinata's hair-

It was _inverted_.

And Kageyama let out a sob because it was blue, what once was orange was blue and he fucking hated cerulean.

"What's wrong?"

And Kageyama couldn't look at Hinata- because- because was this even Hinata?

And he wondered for the last time if this was a universe that was altered beyond recognition.

It must be because Hinata was looking at Kageyama.

With his cold, navy eyes.

Kageyama hated midnight.

The sky was _green_. The sun was _purple._

Kageyama was still.

Out of place.

"What's the matter, Kageyama? You haven't said a word...?" Hinata asked and Kageyama just couldn't accept it.

Because the day was a few seconds faster, a few minutes faster and Hinata was inviting him over, come to my place, _Kageyama._

With his dead eyes.

He smiled.

And his smile.

Lacked- it lacked warmth.

It was unsettling- the opposite.

It was all the opposite of what it should be.

"Kagey-?"

"Don't touch me!" Kageyama yelped, flinching away from Hinata's hand.

It was unsettling.

"Kageyama."

"You- please just-" Kageyama, he inhaled sharply, "you look-"

"I look? What do I look like?"

"Not right. Why- why do you look like that?"

And Kageyama didn't care, about how it sounded in that instance.

He could only hear the thump-thump of his dulled heart and the faint static that follows him everywhere lately.

"What are you saying? What's wrong with my face?"

"Not your face! You! All of you! All of this! Why is- why the fuck is the sky green? Why is your hair blue? Why are you so- so _cold?"_

And Kageyama was on his knees, fingers squeezing Hinata's cheeks.

He left marks, little moon-shaped indents against his cheeks that were- that were cold.

"Why are you so _cold_ , Hinata?"

"I'm-"

"You're not meant to be fucking cold! You- you stupid-"

"Kageyama! What's wrong with- _let go, asshole!_ " Hinata ripped himself away from Kageyama.

(He was always leaving).

And Hinata looked at him, his gaze freezing.

Kageyama felt chills.

Kageyama blinked, quickly, slowly- he blinked.

He could see flashes of orange, of warmth and honey- flashes of a sweet smil-

Hinata stared him down, lips a cool shade of (pain?)

"Are you leaving?" Kageyama wheezed.

"Aren't I always."

(And maybe Hinata knew, knew about _everything_ \- but this reality was inverted, and the Hinata here was a Hinata not worth knowing).

It was past 12 (it was always past 12).

And HInata's death-

It brought on an unrequited feeling of warmth.


	38. shift

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS IM SO SO SORRY FOR SUDDENLY STOPPING I MOVED HOUSES AND THERE WAS LITERALLY NO INTERNET FOR GOD KNOWS HOW LONG FHVGHEhmbFSFS IM SUPPOSED TO GET WIFI IN TEN MORE DAYS BUT I HATE THE FEELING OF MAKING YOU GUYS WAIT EVEN MORE 
> 
> IM GOING TO FINISH THIS FIC IN LIKE TWO DAYS SORRY FOR MAKING YOU GUYS WAIT FOR LIKE A YEAR OR SMTH
> 
> also I'm using my data to update this wow the dedication

His watch read 12:10 but the sun was blazing down.

It felt like the afternoon and Kageyama wished for 11:53.

Hinata was there- _of course_ \- there was nothing without- without.

Hinata.

And Kageyama's face was only a ghost of what it used to be.

"Kageyama?"

Kageyama didn't answer, didn't know if he could answer.

He opened his mouth, he wanted to say something, scream _something-_

He felt faint- when didn't he- but the ground was turning and he was turning and-

"What time is it?"

"I love you."

The sky was a mess of cerulean and bits of green that hung back from yesterday- or the life before.

But somehow, Kageyama was on his knees again.

Hinata was on his knees too.

"Kageyama, I love you."

Kageyama's lips were stuck together.

"Really?"

"Kageyama-" But his voice was growing darker and deeper and maybe he was twisting in and out of reality.

Kageyama didn't understand.

Hinata stopped- like a broken record, it didn't make sense and Kageyama wondered.

He wondered when things will ever make sense.

He hated this, he hated himself for wanting an extra minute with Hinata, _I don't want to lose Hinata, I hate 11:53-_

But this.

This was far, far worse and Kageyama could feel his brain melting from the sudden burst of colours in Hinata's eyes.

(And colours- _colours_ could never replace the fiery brightness stuck behind Hinata's eyes).

"Hinata,"

"Yes?" And his smile was pulled up, unnaturally.

"Do you know?"

Kageyama ended his question there, maybe he was too tired to finish it, maybe his brain stopped aiding him, maybe he didn't even know what he was asking for.

"Yes."

Kageyama never understood Hinata anymore.

"Predictable...you're not- you're not predictable anymo-"

Kageyama stopped talking, only because he couldn't bring himself to finish it.

Because this- this wasn't Hinata. He wondered when Hinata stopped being himself, he wondered what life he was in, he wondered what he did to deserve this.

"You think I'm doomed from the beginning," Hinata stated.

Kageyama's watch was screaming, he stared at it, his alarm for _11:53_ burned bright against the daylight.

"I think it was you who was doomed from the beginning," Hinata spoke in a voice eight shades deeper and distorted.

He giggled and giggled until he was laughing and his eyes shone _neon._

"Hinata, I don't understand."

Hinata placed his hands around Kageyama's cheeks, the cheeks that were sunken down from stress and hysteria.

Hinata's fingers scrunched up in Kageyama's hair- _he could rip him apart._

"You broke the universe, Kageyama, you broke time!" And he was laughing in a voice that wasn't his.

Kageyama's eyes widened, his breath hitched.

"Time is untouchable, you see, you see, you can't touch _time_ , Kageyama, you can't but you _did_ , you did because you're like that and time to you? What is it? Time to you? Is time nothing but nothing? Because time is something and you should have left 11:53 alone, Kageyama, _you should've left time alone."_

"I- I don't understan-"

"You never do!" Hinata interrupted, screaming, mouth rolling into a snarl so fierce but fitting. "Kageyama."

The way he said his name was- was _disgusting_ , Kageyama hated it because it wasn't Hinata.

He wasn't _Hinata._

And maybe he himself wasn't Kageyama.

He wondered, for the last time, what was real.

"You killed me, do you remember? Do you remember when you drove that knife in my heart and lungs and head and _chest and stomach_? Do you remember? Because I remember, I remember _everything-_ "

And it clicked and Kageyama could hear the universe shifting because things made little sense, it made a lot of sense.

11:53 was an insignificant time but no it wasn't, because Hinata's life depended on it, Kageyama's sanity depended on it.

"Is- is it my fault? That you're- you're like _this?_ "

And Hinata smiled, a bright smile and that smile was the closest Kageyama has been to Hinata in a while.

"No, it's your fault that _you're_ like _this._ "

"I- I'm sorry- I- I didn't mean to-"

"Kill me? Didn't mean to kill me before 11:53? You didn't? Didn't you? But you did and the universe is shifting, can you feel it? The universe is shifting because of you and you did it, you really did it, the world is dying, it's going to end because time is nothing to you."

Kageyama couldn't breathe, he felt like he was drowning, he was drowning and that's when he remembered that he never really learned how to swim.

"You should've left time alone."

When he opened his eyes, it was morning and the vending machine was there, next to him.

Hinata was there too, dead against the machine, a grin etched onto his lips, his eyes open, as if to remind Kageyama _that it's your fault, you did this to yourself._

"I- I want it to stop-" Kageyama whispered to the dead body.

His head was aching, he felt faint.

"I- change, I- I don't like this- pl- hey, Hinata, are you listening? I want 11:53 back."

Because _this_ was a mess, Kageyama didn't know when he started.

And when he ended.

But Hinata was still dead in the blazing sun and Kageyama was asleep next to him, eyes wide and shoulders quivering with fear.

(What has he done).

(It wasn't a question, because the universe would offer no answers).

 


	39. prophet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> """I'm going to finish this fic in two days""" I said as I leave for a week.
> 
> My internet isn't back soz so I'm leeching off McDonald's free wifi to post this. 
> 
> I have the whole fic finished it's just a matter of posting- I'll try to post the last chapter soon :)

Hinata was-

A mere messenger.

Kageyama couldn't sleep, not now, not ever because when he woke up, what Hinata said in an alien voice rang through his head.

Kageyama exhaled shakily, his breathing was wet with tears and panic because maybe he had a few tears to spare.

He hated this, he hated this because now there was a slight reason, he knew why Hinata wasn't Hinata anymore, he knew why the sky was green and why it was midnight in the afternoon.

He knew why Hinata talked backwards and why there never seemed to be any background noise.

It was his fault, he did this, maybe he did a bad thing in a life before that caused him to suffer like this now- but that wasn't his problem anymore.

Kageyama threw the universe off course the day he drove a knife into Hinata out of sheer panic and hysteria.

_Hysteria._

Kageyama ran his fingers through his hair, trying to soothe his worries, _it's going to be ok, it’s going to be ok-_

But his fingers were clenching into a claw and he was drawing blood once more because no, no it's not going to be ok because today the minutes were hours and Hinata had another voice.

An echo but not quite.

_He hated this._

He thought a lot because Hinata’s been giving him reasons to think, to worry, to feel guilt and regret gesturing in his stomach and throat.

He regrets it, murdering Hinata, because now he was stuck in a loop that seemed to be angry with him.

Tortured, he felt tortured and maybe God wasn't in charge anymore.

Hinata was a messenger, a prophet of some kind, trying to warn him because the world was ending and it was _all his damn fault._

He couldn't bring himself to cry nor laugh.

“Do you remember?” Kageyama asked Hinata- who’s pupils didn't match at all.

(A clash of midnight blue and dull orange, his eyes didn't match).

“Remember what?”

“The world ending? The day I killed you?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Are you Hinata?”

There was hesitation and then:

_Silence._

Hinata never answered.

Kageyama would find himself pacing back and forth, half his hair on the ground because he ripped it off with his fingers and nails.

He can't deal with anything anymore.

He wondered is this could get any worse, what would happen if he were to kill Hinata again? 11:53 is already meaningless, Hinata could never be Hinata again.

Kageyama had already lost his sanity.

He couldn't afford to wonder if it was a good idea or not- what was good anymore? What did bad mean? _Was right the same as good?_

So Kageyama did it again, to experiment because he had forever to fall sick from grief and pain.

He has.

_Time._

He did it with not expression at all, his face blank- maybe there was a slight trace of resignation.

Either way, Hinata was going to die.

And the world was _ending_.

But Kageyama kissed him again, on the lips and he tasted like…

 _Nothing_.

He was a few shades not Hinata, so what was Kageyama expecting, really?

Still, he kissed him goodbye.

Hinata didn't say a word and Kageyama wondered once again what was right.

A rush of regret hit him because fuck- fuck, what if Hinata never comes back again?

But Hinata had left a long time ago, anyways, this was only an imposter.

So Kageyama sat next to Hinata, from day to night.

Loneliness felt different without Hinata.


	40. gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LAST CHAPTER (notice how the last chapter name is the same as the first chapter wow a loop within a loop) 
> 
> THIS WAS LOADS OF FUN TO WRITE AND IM REALLY HAPPY WITH THE AMOUNT OF SUPPORT THIS HAS BEEN GETTING !!! my internet is not back lmao I'm using my data to post this wow dedication.
> 
> (((Also idk if anyone cares but I'm planning on deleting my first hq fic, it's called "all I do is cry and complain bc second is not the same" idk it's kinda shitty, I might redo it)))

The day started with one pastel pink milk box.

Kageyama let himself smile because- because he missed the damn milk box.

He stared at it, eyes pressed against the glass, nose pressed against the glass.

“No matter how much you stare, you're not gonna get it for free, you know?”

Kageyama whipped around.

It was _Hinata._

Hinata grinned- the same grin that rivalled the _sun_.

So Kageyama hugged him because _fuck_ , he missed him _so_  much.

“Gah!” Hinata squealed, flailing his arms around, “woah, a hug? Is this what this is? _A hug_?!”

Kageyama only squeezed harder.

Hinata mumbled something about not being able to breathe and Kageyama let go.

He turned to face Hinata.

“Hinata.”

“What?”

“It's you.”

“Well, _duh_. Quit being stupid, do you not have money for the drink or something?”

“I-I dunno.”

Hinata paid for it and Kageyama let himself _feel_  happy.

“What's up with you? You look like a wreck.” Hinata commented, “but a happy wreck, I dunno. It's-”

“-Weird.”

“...Yeah, wah, how'd you know I was gonna say that?”

Predictability.

Kageyama missed it.

So he smiled, he smiled wide because yes, this was ok- he could live with Hinata dying exactly on 11:53- he's accepted it.

But the idea of the universe contorting Hinata into a cold _being_ with dead eyes and a million voices- personalities-

It made Kageyama _sick_ in the head.

“Hinata.”

“Yeah?”

“Do you want to come over?”

“To your place?”

“Well, yeah.”

“I-well-”

Kageyama’s heart dropped, he stopped walking entirely-

“Holy shit, stop looking at me like th- I wasn't- I wasn't gonna like, reject the offer-”

“You hesitated.”

“To think! You just _sprang_  that offer, I need to think!”

“It's a simple yes or no question.”

“Yes, fine, I'll come.”

Hinata looks up at Kageyama.

He smiled.

Kageyama thought _this was the best day ever._

He wanted to be suspicious, he really did- but he just wanted to enjoy the bliss of a normal goddamn day.

Hinata raced him to his place.

Traffic was rushing at this hour, Kageyama checked his watch and checked it again because it was only 6 in the evening and everything was fine.

“Oi watch out for the cars!” Kageyama yelled because Hinata was still running, eyes shifting left and right.

“Of course! I'm not stupid!”

Kageyama didn't comment.

He thought about the race, Hinata was winning, mostly because Kageyama was letting him win and he shouldn't do that.

His eyes were trained on the figure waiting for cars to pass before he dashed across the road.

Kageyama zoned out, he couldn't see the cars flying past nor could he hear the rush of horns and traffic lights.

Only Hinata.

He could only sense _Hinata_.

And he smiled while he chased him because- because it was done, right? He was done chasing a ghost because Hinata was _right there_  and he was waiting for _him_.

Maybe the world _had_ ended, maybe another had begun because Kageyama was finally _happ_ y.

Hinata was smiling, grinning ear to ear as he babbled about whatever and Kageyama _loved hi-_

“Kageyama!”

The noise he had blocked out collided with him with the same force as the black car.

It took him too long to realise that this was pain, he was in pain, he was dying perhaps, but not yet.

Hinata was there, screaming and crying because he was always one to get too emotional.

Kageyama wanted to touch his glistening cheek, _I'm ok dumbass, don't worry,_ but he couldn't feel his hand, couldn't feel his head, couldn't feel himself.

Darkness was strange without Hinata by his side.

But he woke up, he did because _he_  wasn't supposed to die.

There were people around him, their mouths obscured by white masks, he could hear his heart, he could hear the beeps his heart made on the machine next to him and he wondered if this was the pain Hinata felt everyday.

(Every life).

He could hear whispers of “he's awake,” “he shouldn't be awake,” “do something.”

He couldn't fall back into darkness so he endured the pain of chemicals flowing through his blood and brain.

He could see his mother from the small window on the door, her cheeks were stained with worry and tears.

He hadn't seen his mother in a long time and he cried a little, because he missed her, he was going to miss her.

Hinata was there, eyes a watery mess, eyes worn down to black because he probably missed sleep- what time was it?

He turned his head to the side, there was a clock there, it was only 10 at night.

He closed his eyes again, they stayed close forever and maybe ever and he knew he would never live to look past 11:53.

But midst the darkness, he could see Hinata.

He was crying, eyes bloodshot and he was looking straight at Kageyama.

Kageyama wondered if Hinata felt his pain now.

11:53.

What a cruel time to look forward to.

(But Kageyama was there the next day,

Hinata screamed and he cried some more  
because _Kageyama! Kageyama you're back,_ but Kageyama-

He was always there?

Right?

He took the last milk box in the vending machine.

“Are you real, Kageyama?”

“What a stupid question, of course.”

“You died.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“I saw you _die_.”

And Hinata saw him die again

And again.

Until Kageyama’s burdens.

 _Became his_.)


End file.
